[OptimalPerformance] Welcome Issue | Selfishness

Optimal Performance
Newsletter

Published by Christine McDougall International
Coaching Optimal Performance in Business, Leadership, Sport and Life.
Editor. Christine McDougall
Email. CmcDougall@usa.net
Web site: www.christinemcdougall.com
P.O. Box 950
Surfers Paradise
Queensland, Australia, 4217
Tel. 61 7 55384948 Fax 61 7 55384272

March 1998
Welcome to the first edition of Optimum Performance, a monthly electronic and regular (snail) mail newsletter. The purpose of this newsletter is to promote optimum performance, in whatever areas of life are important to you. To be of greater value to you, I would like your input, if you have topics to share, questions to be answered, or if there is a particular area that you would like to be covered.
Each month I will cover a different area, from health, fitness, sport, business, relationships, leadership, coaching, parenting, balance, and mastery......

In this issue, I will look at a topic that has been "in my face", and has assisted many of my clients in moving forward, a topic that certainly gets a lot of attention when ever it is raised -
becoming "selfish", and why this is vital to the laws of becoming irresistibly attractive.

News for March
*Please do check out my new web site, at
www.christinemcdougall.com This site was designed jointly by Byron Hepburn, of Hepburn Designs, and Marty Crouch of Web Valence.

*In December 1997, I spent 2 weeks in Dallas Texas, USA, and became certified to lead "The Coaching Clinic", which is a two day training program, teaching managers, leaders, professionals, teachers, parents, to become coaches. Coaching is very distinct form the old "military" style of leadership, which is based on the linear, hierarchical, 'do as I say and don't ask questions' model. Coaching is about developing relationships, creating synergy, and working with the language of empowerment. Using the coaching model produces increased productivity, higher returns, less staff turn over, more job satisfaction. So.... if you know of any one, or corportaion that may be interested in this training......please call me.

*I will be starting a teleclass (a class conducted on a 20 person telephone bridge) on "How to Become Irresistibly Attractive." The class will be for 1 hour, once a week for 10 weeks, for a fee of $150, and will be limited to 20 people. The class will be on a Tuesday evening. If you are interested call or Email me.
*For people wishing to start working with me as a coach, and who are concerned about whether they can afford my fee, I will be offering group coaching for 1 hour a week, limited to 10 people in the group. The calls will be on a telephone bridge. You will be required to pay the cost of the call to Sydney.The fee will be $100 per month. (compared to $250-$500 for four half hour sessions of private coaching). Please contact me if you are interested.

And now to the topic of the month.

Becoming Incredibly Selfish.
Lets say this differently. Lets call it 'putting yourself first. ' Even saying it this way will generate much comment. Is your mind screaming already, saying that this isn't right, this isn't what we were taught in school? Good. I have your attention. Think about it? What happens when you fly on an airliner. They do the safety demonstration, and they say, if you have young children, put your oxygen mask on first. Why is this? Because if you're dying, you are not very able to take care of anyone else.

Ultimately, the point of becoming incredibly selfish will lead to the greatest acts of generosity. Sounds backwards, doesn't it? Let me explain..... Most of us are operating from a place where we feel we have to give, "have to" being the key words here. Have to give time, have to give money, have to give energy...... And yet the truth is that most of us are running so far on empty, we have no time for ourselves, no energy for ourselves, no reserves of money. When we give from this place, it is often tinged with resentment - it is not true giving. True giving being defined as neither needing, desiring or expecting anything back in return. And I mean anything, not a smile, a thankyou, an acknowledgement.....nothing at all.

By practising becoming selfish, learning to say no, our own reserves are built up. When we have personal reserves of time, money, energy, health, when our cup runneth over, then giving becomes joyous, effortless, and energising. This is the goal of becoming selfish, and puts us well and truly on the path of becoming Irresistibly Attractive. (When life - people, opportunity, money, love - is attracted to us, versus us chasing it.)

Selfishness does not mean becoming ego based, irresponsible, focused exclusively on yourself. It is more about expressing your needs, asking for them to be met, creating reserves, and extending your boundaries.

How will this support you in Optimal Performance? No matter who you are, a parent, business person, athlete......your life will be transformed when you learn to say no, ask for what you want, get your needs met, and build your reserves.
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Top Ten Key Points About Becoming Incredibly Selfish
Copyright 1997 by Thomas J. Leonard. All rights reserved.

1. Selfishness used to have a bad name; now it's developing a good name.
When humans were tribal, survival and common defence were most important and any member of the tribe who dared to be selfish was a legitimate risk. However, as humans civilise, they can afford to become more selfish. Creativity and excellence require selfishness.
2. Know what you want and say so.
Knowing what you most want is usually very empowering to others around you. People are usually more relaxed and drawn to you when you are secure in who you are, what you want, and what you expect of them. True, you may turn some folks off, but that's not a bad thing usually.

3. When you become truly selfish, you'll have the extra reserves needed to really care about -- and be generous with -- others.They say that when one is totally taken care of their cup runneth over -- and this extra is what others can freely take
advantage of without any risk to you. Very, very few people have
this much in all areas (time, money, space, opportunities, network, love), so there aren't a lot of good models for selfishness and reserves. But reserves afford generosity with no strings.

4. Selfishness is usually the first step to getting your needs met and building a reserve.
Becoming selfish is not really a lifetime ambition -- there's no real point or glory in becoming the most selfish person in the world. However, becoming selfish can get you started on a great path of having all that you need and then building a matching reserve. A reserve in many areas is key to becoming Irresistibly Attractive.

5. Stop hanging around folks who abhor selfishness.
People who try to 'do good' all of the time, or who try to 'evolve'
beyond their 'ego' are usually drainers -- it takes a LOT of energy to keep up that pretence and guess who that energy is going to come from? The people who they are "serving?" Who's serving who? is the question to ask.

6. Unhook yourself from the negative connotations of being very selfish.
Selfishness does not include egocentricity or insensitivity, but many feel that these three words are all synonymous. They are not. Egocentricity means that you only think about yourself or feel that the world revolves entirely around you, and insensitivity means you have no heart nor care about others. You can be extremely selfish and be neither egocentric nor insensitive. Really! You may need to overcome social conditioning to feel good about being selfish.

7. Spend the next 7 days doing something very, very selfish each day.
If you're having difficulty feeling good about being incredibly selfish, then it's time to go on a scavenger hunt. Make a list of 7
things you really want, but haven't been able to let yourself have. Then, once a day, go grab these things whether they be tangible or intangible. The trick is to quickly obtain what you feel you want or need (assuming you won't mess up your finances), instead of waiting, thinking a lot about it, weighing the pros and cons.

8. Say no, just because you feel like it.
Selfishness is a muscle that needs developing. The easiest place to start is to say no. If you can't say no, get a coach to show you how and support you to say no easily. Saying no is a learnable skill that pays dividends for a lifetime.

9. The real value of becoming selfish is to give your gifts room to develop.
Gifts and talents need nourishment; they don't blossom fully without it. If you've got a special talent or gift -- and most of us do --become selfish for the sake of that if you cannot bring yourself to be selfish for your own sake.

10. Take what you feel you need, even if it means that others won't get as much as before.
Treat yourself to whatever you'd want for the person you love the most. Take more than you deserve. As Walt Whitman says, "Claim your own at any hazard."
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I look forward to any questions or comments you have about this subject. Please Email me or call.
Have a great month, with love and respect, Christine McDougall
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