1. News at Joe Kort & Associates 

2. Article: "Name, Rank and Serial Number: Staying Silent about Your Parents" by Joe Kort, LMSW

3. "Loving Someone Gay" by Don Clark, Ph.D.: Book Review

4. Bring in the New Year with "Reclaiming The Man in the Mirror" Dec. 31, 2006 to Jan. 7, 2007 

5. "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide": A NEW BOOK BY JOE in 2007!

6. 10 Smart Things Update: New review of "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love"

Psychotherapy Services

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions

The following are Joe Kort's areas of specialties:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Abuse

Erotic Intelligence

Chemical Dependency

Imago Relationship Therapy

Responsible Nonmonogamy

Breakup Recovery

Coming Out Issues

Gay Affirmative Therapy

Depression and Anxiety Disorders
_____________________________________________________________________

Have a great August and rest of the summer!

Warmly, Joe Kort, LMSW

By Joe Kort, LMSW

I like to get a sense of new clients’ family backgrounds. In the first few weeks, I ask for data—the facts about who is who, what things happened to them in their childhood, and how they happened. We have not said one negative thing about their families, and yet at this point, clients start getting anxious:
“Are you going to be blaming my parents like every typical therapist?”
“That was back then. I only want to deal with the here and now.” (These same folk usually have no trouble talking at length about the past if their parents were positive and loving and fostered positive values within them.)
“I can’t speak ill of them. They did the best they could.”
“Why go back to how they were then? That’s not how they are now!”
The problem is that clients offer statements like these while I’m doing something neutral, such as writing down their family history. Even the fact gathering and data giving reminds them of negative, dysfunctional events that occurred while they were growing up.
When something’s wrong in a family, kids may not be able to put words to it, but unconsciously they know that things aren’t right. So clients immediately start warning me that it’s off limits to identify or discuss anything questionable that we might find in the family closet.
I stress to clients that we’ll explore the positive things their caregivers did do and how they did love them. You couldn’t have come this far in your life without those who raised you. But it’s unrealistic to think that any parent is all good or all bad, or to believe that you received from that parent only the positive and none of the negative.
As a result of family dysfunction, children often fall into various predictable roles. If you don’t explore how these issues may play out in your current adult relationships, you’ll either relive the agony of your childhood or won’t be able to maintain healthy coping skills and relationships.

Facing your childhood and your parents is to go from child to adult—one of the most important pathways into adulthood.

continue reading here Name, Rank and Serial Number

So I spent two more years struggling until I met a group of gay friends who were supportive, loving and affirming about being gay. One of which was a young man named Richard who gave me this book, "Loving Someone Gay" by Don Clark.

It was a trade pocket paperback book with an orange cover. I remember being horrified by what I was going to do with it given that I had roommates who might find it. So I hid it under my underware drawer and read it privately every chance I could.

This book was extrememly helpful to me as a gay man coming out as well as a therapist in training in working with gay and lesbian clients. I will never forget this book and how it helped my coming out process.

It has remained a standard and is not in it's fourth edition proudly displaying a gay couple on the cover. I highly recommend for your gay affirmative library.

This book is not just for gays and lesbians it is is for therapists, doctors, teachers, parents, extended family and anyone who loves and cares about gays and lesbians.

Here is a list of recommendations to therapists the author provides in one of the chapters in his book.

Therapeutic Guidelines to treating the Gay client
(Taken from the book, “Loving Someone Gay” by Don Clark, Ph.D.)

1. Develop a comfortable and appreciative orientation to your own same-sex feelings before you can successfully work with gay clients.

2. All gay people have experience some form of oppression related to their being gay. The subjective reality of that experience must be brought into consciousness so that it can be worked with.

3. While working toward expanding the range and depth of awareness of feelings, be particularly alert to facilitate identification and expression of anger, constructively channeled, and affection, openly given.

4. Encourage your client to establish a gay support system, a half-dozen gay people with mutual personal caring and respect for each other.

5. Support consciousness-raising efforts such as gay discussion groups, gay affirmative reading, and involvement in gay community activities.

6. Provide many messages to your client that he or she is not a second-class citizen or inferior person.

7. Encourage your client to question basic assumptions about being gay and lesbian and to develop a personally relevant value system as a basis for self-assessment. Point out the dangers of relying on society’s value system for self-validation.

9. Desensitize shame and guilt surrounding same-sex thoughts, feelings and behavior by pleasantly encouraging graphic descriptions of gay and lesbian experiences and, when appropriate, sharing your own.

9. Use the weight of your authority to approve same-sex thoughts, behavior and feelings when reported by your client. This is important to counteract experience with disapproval by authority figures.

10. Help your client to identify incorporated stereotypes of gay people and begin deprogramming and undoing the negative conditioning associated with these stereotypes.

To buy this book go to "Loving Someone Gay"

December 31-January 7, 2007

Esalen in Big Sur, California
esalen.org

This workshop is for partnered and/or single gay men. While male couples can attend it is not designed for the couple. Both partners can work together in exercises but the focus will be on them individually.

This workshop focuses on sex, love, and intimacy among gay men. Joe Kort writes: "Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. The secret logic of sexual fantasies and desires can help unlock information stored away in a gay man's history that can help him enjoy his sexuality even more. There is an erotic intelligence that can teach a person how to know and understand himself in a deeper way."

This workshop starts out with the sexual aspects of relationships and moves to love and commitment. Gay men will learn the mystery of why they are drawn to Mr. Right and how to stay connected and partnered with the man of their dreams. This workshop will focus on how to incorporate sex, love, and intimacy, and how to keep and maintain a relationship.

*Come to UNCOVER and DISCOVER your Sexual Shadow!*
_____________________________________________________________________

ABOUT THE WORKSHOP:

We live in a sexually illiterate society. There is little to no permission to examine openly our sexuality in terms of orientation, behavior and fantasies. Most people, gay and straight alike, do not know if their sexual fantasies and/or sexual acts are healthy versus unhealthy. While gay men are more inclined to act out their sexual desires and fantasies more openly than their heterosexual counterparts, there still lies confusion as to what is positive and self-affirming and what is not.

There is also confusion about what is sex, what is love and what is intimacy. This workshop will explore the definitions of each of these and how to integrate them all together for gay men. Much of our culture as gay men, as well as for our heterosexual counterparts, are confused about how to make this integration. There is also confusion about how to have healthy sex, love and intimacy without having to have all of them combined.

This workshop will help clarify all of this.

 How do you define sex?

 What is healthy versus unhealthy sex?

 Do you understand the secret logic of your sexual fantasies?

 What is your sexual shadow?

 Are you sexually addicted, compulsive or just have a large sexual appetite?

 Do you carry sexual shame?

 How do you feel about your body?

 Do you want to improve your sex life?

 Are you getting the love you want in your relationship?

 Are you keeping the love you find when you think you found Mr. Right?

 What is your definition of love?

 What is your definition of intimacy?

 What are the stages of love?

These are just some of the questions we will be examining at the upcoming workshop. The workshop will include guided imagery, experiential exercises, communication exercises and lectures.

We will explore sexual behavior and fantasies with understanding, compassion, and without judgment.

For more information about Reclaiming the Man in the Mirror and for cost, times and registration go to Registration

Coming from WW Norton by Joe in 2007.

A book for helping straight clinicians work with Gays and Lesbians
_____________________________________________________________________

As a psychotherapist, if you have gay and lesbian clients,

It’s not enough to be gay-friendly.

The fact is, even the best intentioned therapists have some level of homophobia to overcome.

From birth, heterosexist culture imprints us to think that heterosexuality is primary,and that any other orientation is inferior.

It’s not even enough to be gay yourself.

Gay or straight, we’re taught the homonegative belief that the "alternate lifestyle" of being gay is a more difficult way to live. But the "alternative" of living heterosexually is actually harder for gay men and lesbians, and can lead only to depression and self-defeating, or even self-destructive behaviors.

Learn the issues that gay men and lesbians face.

They may surprise you!

COMING From WW Norton Books by Joe Kort: "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies

10 Smart Things Gay Men
Can Do to Find Real Love
by Joe Kort
Reviewed by Bo Young

Joe Kort is a very good and dedicated therapist in Michigan. His last book, a similar decalogue of "smart things" gay men…or anyone, really…can do to make their lives better. This, of course, is the root definition we subscribe to at White Crane for what spirituality is: anything that fosters a more profound and nourishing relationship with yourself, those around you, and the world.

To read more go to White Crane Journal

____________________________________________________________________

Click on the images of the books to purchase either title at Joe's library .

If you want to book a signing or workshops I do anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.

Read an introduction to the "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love.
_____________________________________________________________________

Translations

10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at German Translation: and Spanish Translation: