1. News from Joe Kort & Associates 

2. Upcoming Presentations in Washington DC: March 15-18, 2007

3. Queer Ear for the Straight Clinician: HOMOPHOBIA

4. Book Review: Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic + the Domestic by Esther Perel

5. THE LAVENDER VISIONS WEEKEND WORKSHOP FOR
   MARRIED WOMEN ATTRACTED TO WOMEN facilitated by Joanne Fleisher

6. Joe's Book Updates

If you are new to Kort's Korner I want to welcome you. If you were gone for a while and have returned I want to welcome you back. And if you know of others would be interested in this newsletter please feel free to forward it onto them.
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JOE KORT & ASSOCIATES OFFERINGS:

Psychotherapy Services

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions

The following are Joe Kort's areas of specialties:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Abuse

Straight men who have sex with men

Erotic Intelligence

Chemical Dependency

Imago Relationship Therapy

Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Issues

Breakup Recovery

Coming Out Issues

Gay Affirmative Therapy

Depression and Anxiety Disorders
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March 15-18, 2007
Omni Shoreham Hotel
Washington, D.C.

2007 Psychotherapy Symposium

Treatment Issues with Gay & Lesbian Couples

Presented by Joe Kort, LMSW and Joanne Fleisher, LCSW

As a straight clinician, it's important to be gay informed, more than just gay-friendly. It's especially important to recognize the differences between the relationship dynamics of gay male and female couples. In this workshop, we'll compare the distinct differences in relationship dynamics and problem areas that arise for gay men and for lesbians: responsible sexual practices and the need for more connectedness among gay male couples and diminished sexual desire and the need for separateness among lesbians are just a few. You'll leave with specific interventions and assessment tools that promote gay-affirmative couples therapy.

The New Mixed Marriage: When Gay Happens to Straight Couples

Presented by Joanne Fleisher, LCSW and Joe Kort, LMSW

When one spouse in a heterosexual marriage reveals he or she is gay, profound emotional, ethical, and practical dilemmas arise for both the couple and the therapist. The couple often struggles with feelings of betrayal and shame, along with a sense of being caught in a bind between anguished love and hopelessness. In this situation, therapists are often too quick to recommend divorce. In this workshop, we'll discuss ways of dealing with the reactivity of the "betrayed" spouse, confronting our own and the couple's homophobia, alleviating the gay spouse's guilt, and helping the couple decide what course is best for them. We'll explore the reasons gays and lesbians marry and how to help the couple move forward without blame or defensiveness. We'll also discuss what "coming out" stages are necessary, both for the couple and for each partner, if there's to be a successful "mixed marriage."

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Joe Kort, M.S.W., A.C.S.W., is a private practitioner in Royal Oak, Michigan, specializing in individual, couples, and group psychotherapy for gay and straight clients. He's a certified Imago Relationship therapist and the author of 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives and 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love.

Joanne Fleisher, L.C.S.W., is in private practice in Philadelphia and the author of Living Two Lives: Married to a Man and in Love with a Woman. A certified Imago Relationship therapist for gay and straight couples, she provides individual therapy, workshops, and phone consultation regarding gay and lesbian issues.

Assessment of Personal Homophobia

Homophobia, an unrealistic fear of gays/lesbians, affects all of us in this culture – straight and gay alike. It’s characterized by a generalized negative attitude towards homosexuals, if not outright feelings of hatred. Gays and lesbians experience internalized homophobia as a result of growing up in a culture that allows/encourages discrimination against homosexuals. Internalized homophobia can cause or contribute to lowered self-esteem, intense shame, chemical dependency, and a generalized alienation from one’s true self.

Whether you are gay or straight, spend a little time with the questionnaire below. There are no ‘correct’ answers – just what is true for you.

This survey was adapted from the work of A.E. Moses & R. D. Hawkins, Jr.

1. Do you stop yourself from doing or saying certain things because someone might think you’re gay? If yes, what kinds of things?

2. Do you ever intentionally do or say things so that people will think you are NOT gay? Like what?

3. Do you believe gays/lesbians can influence others to become homosexual? Do you think someone could influence you to change your sexual and affectational preference? Do you believe homosexuality can be imprinted on children and thus influence their orientation?

4. If you are a parent (straight or gay), how would you (or do you) feel about having a gay child?

5. How do you think you would feel if you discovered that one of your parents, parent figures, or siblings were gay or lesbian?

6. Are there any jobs, positions or professions that you think lesbians/gays should be barred from holding or entering? If yes, which ones and why?

7. If someone you care about were to say to you, “I think I’m gay”, would you suggest that person see a therapist?

8. Have you ever been to a gay/lesbian bar, social club, party or march? If not, why?

9. Would you wear a button that says, “How dare you assume I’m Heterosexual”?.

10. Can you think of three positive aspects of being gay? Three negative things?

11. Have you ever laughed at a “queer” joke?

Online Psych, Inc. 1997 All rights reserved

I have arrived at much of my understanding about sexual preferences and eroticism from the following books:

AROUSAL:THE SECRET LOGIC OF SEXUAL FANTASIES by Michael Bader
EROTIC MIND by Jack Morin
DANCING AROUND THE VOLCANO by Guy Kettlehack
OUT OF THE SHADOWS by Patrick Carnes

I also have a chapter on what I call one's "Sexual Shadow" in my book, "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love".

And now there is a book for couples that takes these books a step further exploring the secret logic to sexual issues between couples; MATING IN CAPTIVITY by Esther Perel.

The following is an excerpt from her book that I believe speaks for itself in how well this book is written and how wise this author is in her understanding and helping couples reconcile the erotic and the domestic:

"Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while desire is energized by it. If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected. Love is about having; desire is about wanting. An expression of longing, desire requires ongoing elusvieness. It is less concerned with where it has already been than passionate about where it can still go. But too often as couples settle into the comforts of love, they cease to fan the flame of desire. They forget that fire needs air". (page 37).

I highly recommmend this book to therapists and couples to understand and reconcile desire and eroticism.

Contact Joanne Fleisher, LCSW
Joanne@lavendervisions.com
for online brochure, registration or questions
Space is limited

Chapter 1: Live in Integrity and Be Accountable to Yourself and Your Partner

Chapter 2: Become the Man You Were Meant to Be

Chapter 3: Discover How What You Hate Can Help You Love

Chapter 4: Go from a Gay Boy to a Gay Man with Your Father

Chapter 5: Recognize the Difference Between Mommy Nearest, Mommy Dearest, and Mommy Queerest

Chapter 6: Learn How To Disarm--Not Strong-arm--Your Partner In Communication

Chapter 7: Know Your Sexual Shadow

Chapter 8: Understand the New Mixed Marriage: When Three's a Crowd

Chapter 9: How to Call It Quits Without Being a Quitter

Chapter 10: Bring Your Own Shadow

Introduction: Start Your Hero's Journey and Let Your Initiation Begin!

By showing how to look closely at the deepest sources of your wants and needs, "10 SMART THINGS GAY MEN CAN DO TO FIND REAL LOVE" will help you achieve the kind of lasting close relationships you deserve.

Read an introduction to the book.

Visit Amazon.com to purchase the book.

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Foreign translations of Joe's First Book

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at German Translation: and Spanish Translation:
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Click on the images of the books to purchase Joe's two published books at Joe's library .

If you want to book a signing or workshop anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.