1. News from Joe Kort & Associates 

2. Upcoming (GAY) High Holy Days

3. Queer Ear for the Straight Clinician: What about Gay Children

4. Videos on gay children and children of gays

5. Foriegn Translations of Joe's first book

6. Joe's Book Updates 

If you are new to Kort's Korner I want to welcome you. If you were gone for a while and have returned I want to welcome you back. And if you know of others would be interested in this newsletter please feel free to forward it onto them.
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JOE KORT & ASSOCIATES OFFERINGS:

Psychotherapy Services

Telephone Coaching and Consultation

Clinical Consulting and Supervision Services for Psychotherapists

Frequently Asked Questions

The following are Joe Kort's areas of specialties:

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity

Sexual Anorexia

Sexual Abuse

Straight men who have sex with men

Erotic Intelligence

Chemical Dependency

Imago Relationship Therapy

Monogamy/Nonmonogamy Issues

Breakup Recovery

Coming Out Issues

Gay Affirmative Therapy

Depression and Anxiety Disorders
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But I am talking about the GAY High Holy Days. These are the days when our DIVAS come to town. Diana Ross has her tour lined up and in Detroit we will be worshiping on April 16, 2007 at the Palace.

Below is an excerpt from "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love" in the chapter on gay men and their DIVAS.

Diva Worship

I joke that if you are what I call “Gay Orthodox,” you can consider it a Gay High Holy Day when a diva comes to town. If Gay Orthodox, you must commit to closing your business or taking the day off. Treat the day as a Sabbath or consider yourself a sinner. Gay neighborhoods will be ghost towns as we flock to stadiums—our places of worship—for any Diana Ross, Cher, Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey or Dolly Parton concert. Today’s younger gay men flock to Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Simpson, Beyonce, and Christina Aguilera.

I, of course, am Gay Orthodox and must follow the Gay Bible, which is to close shop at sunset on these days to pay respects to these beautiful gay icons! We even saw Jack from Will & Grace briefly die and go to heaven, where he found that Cher was a goddess. “It all makes sense,” Jack said on meeting Goddess Cher. “Elijah and Chastity are the names of your children, it’s true you are!”

One can never forget, of course, dearly departed divas such as the late, great Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, and the original grande dame of divas—Judy Garland. While not every gay boy or man worships divas, a good many do. Why is that? There are many theories.

In The Rise and Fall of Gay Culture, Daniel Harris suggests that “at the very heart of gay diva worship is not the diva herself but the almost universal homosexual experience of ostracism and insecurity.” Harris feels that we gay men live vicariously through divas who snare the handsome heterosexual men and that we like to imagine ourselves in their place. He equates diva worship to watching football and says that it’s actually just as unfeminine as football: “it is a bone-crushing spectator sport in which one watches the triumph of feminine wiles over masculine walls of a voluptuous and presumably helpless damsel in distress single-handedly moving down a lineup of hulking quarterbacks who fall dead at her feet.”

Time magazine even addressed diva worship in a review of Judy Garland’s final concert on August 18, 1967, at New York’s Palace Theatre. The article read, “A disproportionate part of her nightly claque seems to be homosexual. The boys in the tight trousers roll their eyes, tear at their hair and practically levitate from their seats, particularly when Judy sings [‘Over the Rainbow’] . . . Judy was beaten up by life, embattled and ultimately had to become more masculine. She has the power that homosexuals would like to have, and they attempt to attain it by idolizing her.”

On closer examination, we can see there is something decidedly masculine about these divas. They have a hardened, sometimes aggressively feminine side. In their performance mode, they are almost as hyper-feminine as drag queens—Diana Ross’s big exaggerated hair, for example, and Cher’s heavily beaded gowns and overly glittering eye shadow.

Mommy Queerest

Another theory I hold strongly is that these divas are our stand-in mothers. Jewish clients and friends of mine have told me that Barbra Streisand saved their lives! Without her movies and songs, they couldn’t have survived their childhoods. Many of these men had self-absorbed mothers who were unavailable emotionally, so what better surrogate Jewish mother than Streisand? She is already unavailable in many ways, so clients can worship her and fulfill some needs that their mothers cannot. These divas mommies will never let us down—they are whoever we want them to be. They’re our mother shadows.
I am not putting down these divas! I adore and love most of them.

My home and office are filled with dolls that celebrate these divas from Cher to Lucille Ball. While growing up, my divas were Diana Ross and Cher—which, if you believe my Mommy Queerest theories, tells you a lot about me and my maternal figures. Perhaps these divas’ narcissism is a way to celebrate the narcissistic mothers and female caregivers in our lives.

In our early lives, our inability to attach and identify with men may prompt us to try to escape into the feminine realm to avoid the shame and fear of being compared unfavorably with other males. Although this is true of both gay and straight men, straight men bring these issues to their female partners. Not having woman as partners, we turn to our divas.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF THE IMAGES TO THE RIGHT WERE OF TWO BOYS? OR TWO GIRLS?

In my writing and talks on Gay Affirmative Therapy I talk about the idea that gay and lesbian adults were once gay and lesbian children. This makes many people uncomfortable as most people think of gay/lesbian identity as nothing more than sexual. Homosexuality is one's identity and romantic interests and not any more sexual than is heterosexuality.

Because people typically associate gay and lesbian identity with adult sexual behavior, thinking that children might be gay superimposes adult sexuality onto them—which is certainly inappropriate. But considering a child to be gay is not more (or less) sexually suggestive than assuming he is straight.

Look at these pictures of little boys and girls holding hands and licking ice cream together. No one would superimpose adult sexuality on these children. They would see it as sweet romantic and practice for later in life heterosexual romance and intimacy.

But take these same images and put two little girls or boys licking an ice cream cone or holding each other and people would be outraged. Heterosexist and homophobes would say that it is modeling and affirming homosexuality. So what if it is? How is that any different than pictures of opposite gendered children like these shown here?

I live for the day I see pictures of two little boys or girls in poses such as these.
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Here is an article on how homophobia hurts children:

Handling Homophobia: Gay Rights or Children’s Needs? Joe's Archived Articles

by Joe Kort, MSW copyright

When people think about children, rarely is their focus on how homophobia can hurt them. Usually it is raised when talking about a gay parent and how they may “impact” their offspring, or how the behavior of gay and lesbian adults will influence them. But even more rarely do people concentrate on how homophobia impacts children, gay and straight alike—which is far worse than anything a child might be exposed to in a gay pride parade or in observing gay relationships.

Studies show, in fact, that developing gay or lesbian adolescents can handle their sexual orientation. What they can’t cope with is the homophobic acts and verbal statements they encounter in the media or in their schools, homes or communities. A heterosexual adolescent can no more handle acts of homophobia upon him or her as well.

In this article, I’ll first define homophobia and talk about words related to it, then address how we all, straight and gay alike, pay a price for it.

In his 1972 book, Society and the Healthy Homosexual, George Weinberg coined the term homophobia and wrote about how it related to gays and lesbians.. Since then, the word has been examined with a discriminating eye. People claim that it does not apply to them, inasmuch as they aren’t afraid, or “phobic,” of gays.

to continue reading this article click here How Homophobia Hurts Children:

I cried watching this several times.

The song is sung by a child who has two fathers.

CLICK HERE>>>> I Have Two Fathers:

To see people's reactions to the possibility that a young child might be gay I came across a very cute clip of a little boy pretending to be his DIVA. CLICK HERE >>>>> Too Much? Too Young? Too Gay?:

There are still many people who think that boys who play with girl toys will make them gay. If the way children play makes them turn out to be literally how they are as adults then we would have adult males today pretending to be Spiderman, Batman , Superman, and/or walking around with light sabers pretending to be Luke Skywalker. As ridiculous as this sounds is as ridiculous as it is.

The truth is that boys who play with dolls are not going to become gay or want to be women from pretending and playing in this way. A study by Richard Greene in his book called, “The Sissy Boy Syndrome” shows that 75% of boys who play with dolls ultimately are gay men as adults. The play didn’t make them this way. They already were this way and it was an early indicator of a gay identity.

What is the worst thing that could happen to a boy who plays with dolls? He could become a good father!

Read about Boys Who Play With Dolls:.
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The Best documentary I have ever seen about gay fathers is Daddy and Papa. I highly recommend watching this documentary made by Johny Symons whose mother is a colleague of mine here in Royal Oak, MI.

For more information about this heartwarming documentary go to Daddy and Papa:

"10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives" was originally published in 2003. In 2004 it was translated in both German and in Spanish.

Each of these books can be ordered at German Translation: and Spanish Translation:

Chapter 1: Live in Integrity and Be Accountable to Yourself and Your Partner

Chapter 2: Become the Man You Were Meant to Be

Chapter 3: Discover How What You Hate Can Help You Love

Chapter 4: Go from a Gay Boy to a Gay Man with Your Father

Chapter 5: Recognize the Difference Between Mommy Nearest, Mommy Dearest, and Mommy Queerest

Chapter 6: Learn How To Disarm--Not Strong-arm--Your Partner In Communication

Chapter 7: Know Your Sexual Shadow

Chapter 8: Understand the New Mixed Marriage: When Three's a Crowd

Chapter 9: How to Call It Quits Without Being a Quitter

Chapter 10: Bring Your Own Shadow

Introduction: Start Your Hero's Journey and Let Your Initiation Begin!

By showing how to look closely at the deepest sources of your wants and needs, "10 SMART THINGS GAY MEN CAN DO TO FIND REAL LOVE" will help you achieve the kind of lasting close relationships you deserve.

Read an introduction to the book.

Visit Amazon.com to purchase the book.
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10 smart things gay men can do to improve their lives are:

Introduction
What Works? And What Doesn't?

Chapter 1
Take Charge of Their Own Lives

Chapter 2
Affirm Themselves by Coming Out

Chapter 3
Resolve Differences With Parents and Relatives

Chapter 4
"Graduate" From Delayed Adolescence

Chapter 5
Avoid-or Overcome-Sexual Addiction

Chapter 6
Learn from Successful Mentors Who've Been There, Done That

Chapter 7
Take Advantage of "Therapy Workouts"

Chapter 8
Achieve-and Maintain-Rewarding Relationships

Chapter 9
Understand the Stages of Loves

Chapter 10
Commit to Their Partner

Read an introduction to the book.
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Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician:
The Essential Guide

In press from WW Norton Books due out in 2007*

A book for helping straight clinicians work with Gays and Lesbians
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As a psychotherapist, if you have gay and lesbian clients,

It’s not enough to be gay-friendly.

The fact is, even the best intentioned therapists have some level of homophobia to overcome.

From birth, heterosexist culture imprints us to think that heterosexuality is primary,and that any other orientation is inferior.

It’s not even enough to be gay yourself.

Gay or straight, we’re taught the homo-negative belief that the "alternate lifestyle" of being gay is a more difficult way to live. But the "alternative" of living heterosexually is actually harder for gay men and lesbians, and can lead only to depression and self-defeating, or even self-destructive behaviors.

Learn the issues that gay men and lesbians face.

They may surprise you!

COMING From WW Norton Books by Joe Kort: "Gay Affirmative Therapy for the Straight Clinician: The Essential Guide" by Joe Kort, MSW, LMSW

This book will offer skills and information to straight therapist working with gay, bisexual and lesbian clients. It is not enough to be gay friendly. It is crucial that therapists be armed with the facts and information to do effective work with their gay, lesbian and bisexual clients.

It is based on my work with Gay and Lesbian clients, my own personal journey as a gay male and psychotherapist of 21 years, along with the information I teach at Wayne State University's School of Social Work on Lesbian and Gay Studies
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Click on the images of the books to purchase Joe's two published books at Joe's library .

If you want to book a signing or workshop anywhere in your area please feel free to contact me at joekort@joekort.com or 248-399-7317.