Listening Leaders Archived Edition

January 25, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS DEAL WITH DEVASTATING EVENTS

Listening Leaders® confront difficult times of devastation and despair.

In times of personal and grave difficulties nothing challenges the task of listening like extraordinary and unexpected news of tragic events. As historians and journalists have clearly recorded, millions of individuals throughout the centuries have been personally devastated by major wars, tsunamis, earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, fires, pestilence, plagues, terrorist attacks, financial loss, illness and death.

In these times of personal and private despair, hearing devastating news results in moments that challenge listeners of all walks and at every level. It is the personal challenge of listening to the “kicks in the gut that take your breath away” that must be confronted. The challenge is great, because at the precise moment when effective listening is imperative, bad news impinges on good listening.

Obviously the rational listeners mind can easily accept the logical wisdom that there is a time for everything, as expressed so clearly in Ecclesiastes 3:1─8:

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep , and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Yet for every listener who receives shocking bad news, the task of overcoming emotions is great.

For as Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross so clearly identified many recipients of decimating news move through five stages of grief of: denial, resentment, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Obviously, the challenge and nature of listening is impacted at various stages and in varying ways by each listener.

Yet one factor seems clear. Moments of duress require special strategies of listening for the benefit of all parties involved in sharing and receiving terrible news.

First, simple facts can be chilling and mind numbing to the recipient of terrible news.

Second, devastating facts often trigger emotions of confusion, disbelief, fear, and anger.

Third, in moments of difficulty strange terminology and new vocabularies may be introduced, resulting in added confusion which only exacerbates the impact of the devastating news.

Fourth, in the attempt to dismiss the message the message carrier may be dismissed.

Fifth, different people listen to and respond differently to devastating realities.

Sixth, in times of difficulty, listeners will profit from the supplemental assistance of other listeners.

At the heart of listening to devastating news lies the ultimate challenge of listening through and controlling rampant emotions. For as Vincent Van Gogh said to his brother Théo, in 1889: “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.”

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® control emotions when times are tough.

The lesson for every Listening Leader® who desires to listen through a difficult moment was captured by Cicero in 44 B.C., when he observed, “Men decide many more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, or some similar emotion, than by reason….” Or as Thoreau claimed, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

When dealing with the unknown, a powerful antidote resides in developing the skill of controlling emotions. For example, as anyone who has faced the uncertainty of a devastating disease will attest, listening to the possible outcomes can be as emotionally troubling to the mind as the disease is to the body. Perhaps the challenge of listening through ones emotions was clearly stated by Charles H. Mayo, in 1926 when he claimed, “While there are several chronic diseases more destructive to life than cancer, none is more feared.”

Two forces contribute to the task of overpowering debilitating emotions in devastating times. The first is Hope and the second is Reason. All Listening Leaders® will remember the immortal words of Alexander Pope who noted that “Hope springs eternal in the human breast; Man never is, but always to be blest.” In addition, in moments of despair, it is wise to focus on Michael Edwards claim that, “People will not readily bear pain unless there is hope.” Or as an old Irish Proverb reminds us, “Hope is the physician of each misery.” For as the English writer Samuel Johnson so simply said, “Hope is necessary in every condition. The miseries of poverty, sickness, of captivity, would without this comfort be insupportable.” Hope is an unending balm to every listener facing duress.

With hope in hand, Listening Leaders® can turn away from negative emotions and engage in productive reason. G. K. Chesterton believed that “Reason is itself a matter of faith. It is an act of faith to assert that our thoughts have any relation to reality at all.” Yet we will take the supplemental position that a faith based reality trumps negative emotionality during devastating times. For as the German dramatist, Gotthold Ephraim Lessing so reasonably argued, “A man who does not lose his reason over certain things has none to lose.”

Thus, the important lessons for all Listening Leaders® who face moments of devastation and despair involves controlling emotions, engaging hope, and investing in reason. For as the Roman scholar Celsus observed, “A reckoning up of the cause often solves the malady.”

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Control emotions, embrace hope, and listen to reason.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

A disease known is half cured ~ Proverb
Life is an incurable disease ~ Abraham Cowley
The presence of the doctor is the beginning of the cure ~ Proverb
It is a distinct art to talk medicine in the language of the non-medical man ~ Edward H. Goodman
While there is life there is hope ~ Proverb
For hope is but the dream of those that wake ~ Matthew Prior
Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better ~ Emile Coué

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Devastation comes in many forms and various degrees. Terry Johnston is a faithful contributor to the Listening Leaders Newsletter, and shared the following story.

It seems there was a muscle bound young construction worker who constantly bragged that he could beat any of his co-workers in any contest of strength. In his relentless badgering he made great effort in making fun of one of the older construction workers. Day after day the young man challenged his older and weaker co-worker.

Controlling his emotions and with hope in his heart, the older fellow finally had had enough, and reasonably said, “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?

You think you are so strong, but I’ll bet you a month’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to the construction trailer and you won’t be able to wheel it back.”

By now a crowd had gathered and the young mans bluff had been called. “You’re on, old man,” the young braggart replies. “You go first and we will see what you’ve got.”

With the bet sealed, the older man took the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he nodded to the young strong co-worker, and said, “All right smart guy. Get in!”

A LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS:

Kudos to Dr. Jeffrey Jaffe and his team of outstanding Oncologists for guiding numerous patients through the mystery of diagnoses, treatment, and recovery. As we have discovered, they are skilled specialists in the murky and mysterious world of multiple myeloma and are skilled listeners who know how to help their patients overcome fear and emotions. In the process of enhancing hope and reason Dr. Jaffe’s team knows how to make the unknown known and the obscure clearer. They are truly models of Golden Circle Listen Leaders®, and are valued by many.

WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

To help you and your colleagues, family, and friends who are facing devastating events we invite a review of Chapter 9 “Listening Leaders Identify and Control Emotions” in our Listening Leaders book which is available at www.listeningleaders.com/leader

Forward this newsletter to your children, grand children, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com

Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.

Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.

As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.

Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.

Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our new Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.

Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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