Listening Leaders Archived Edition

March 22, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS FORGE & FOSTER FRIENDSHIPS

Listening Leaders® invest great energy in forging and fostering deep and enduring friendships.

Astute Listening Leaders® listen and lead others with the knowledge that it is easier to lead friends than enemies. As Abraham Lincoln so wisely counseled, “Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?”

The importance and benefits of forging and fostering enduring friendships in the 21st century is obvious, yet often ignored. As La Rochefoucauld observed in 1665, “A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care to acquire.” Although many leaders are reluctant to establish deep friendships with those they lead, most successful leaders develop a significant circle of meaningful friends to whom they listen. As has been said, “A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”

Obviously the crucial activity of attentive, non-judgmental, and focused listening lies at the heart of forging long-term and meaningful friendships. True interest in others is fundamental for all leaders of the band. In the time-tested wisdom of Dale Carnegie, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

In addition, attentive, non-judgmental, and focused listening lies at the heart of sustaining and fostering long-term and meaningful friendships. To paraphrase some timeless leadership advice, “Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Rather walk beside me as we listen together, and we will achieve.” Nurturing lasting friendship is a great and everlasting challenge, for as Samuel Butler observed, “Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.”

Thus, Golden Circle Listening Leaders® focus on both ends of the friendship stick. Concurrently, they work hard to broaden their circle of meaningful friends, and deepen their relationships with existing friends. Of course they have a multitude of acquaintances, but more important, they make sure their “Target 25” list includes a significant number of “real friends.” Real friends are the friends who will remain when the rest of the world walks out. These are the enduring friends who are like the chocolate chips in everyone’s cookies of life. These are the kind of friends Lee Iacocca remembered his father talking about. “My father always used to say that when you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.”

For Listening Leaders® who desire to raise the listening stakes and accomplish more, the task is clear. Forging and fostering rich and enduring friendships does not just happen. It demands purposeful attention and diligent work. Leaders who understand the significance of developing and keeping friends refine and practice the art of listening as a friend.

First, caring Listening Leaders® serve others by making a thoughtful list of their long-standing true friends, good friends, marginal friends, passing friends, simple acquaintances, and potential friends. A second productive step involves the thoughtful analysis of what separates members of each group. Third, true personal growth results when a systematic listening-oriented strategy for forging new friends and fostering old friends is established and put into practice. Last, but not least, observation of enhanced friendships through the impact of heartfelt listening, heightens both greater listening and friendships.

To achieve these four steps simply memorize and repeat often the following poem about new and old friends:

“Make new friends, but keep the old; those are silver, these are gold. New-made friendships, like new wine, age will mellow and refine. Friendships that have stood the test of time and change are surely best; Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray; friendship never knows decay. Foe ‘mid old friends, tried and true, once more we our youth renew. But old friends, alas! May die; New friends must their place supply. Cherish friendship in your breast, new is good, but old is best; Make new friends, but keep the old; those are silver, these are gold.”

Like the ancients who listed friendship among the highest of virtues, present day Listening Leaders® understand that, new or old, true friendship remains an essential element to a happy and fully flourishing life. “For without friends” Aristotle said, “no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” In a world of perishable elements, these are words worthy of attention by all listeners who hope to lead.

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® refine and practice the art of listening as a friend.

Any Listening Leader® who desires to forge new and foster existing friendships will profit by posting and periodically reciting the old poem “Friendship” for it highlights important listening and leading guidelines and benefits.

“Friendship needs no studied phrases, polished face, or winning wiles; Friendship deals no lavish praises, friendship dons no surface smiles.

Friendship follows Nature’s diction, shuns the blandishment of art; Boldly severs truth from fiction, speaks the language of the heart.

Friendship favors no condition, scorns a narrow-minded creed; Lovingly fulfills its mission, be it word or be it deed.

Friendship cheers the faint and weary, makes the timid spirit brave; Warns the erring, lights the dreary, smoothes the passage to the grave.

Friendship ─ pure, unselfish friendship, all through life’s allotted span; Nurtures, strengthens, widens, lengthens, man’s relationship with man.”

In this sense, the special friendship that developed between Helen Keller and Anne Mansfield Sullivan epitomized the value of a sustained and special friendship.

After illness destroyed Helen Keller’s sense of sight and sound before the age of two, Anne Sullivan appeared on March 3, 1887, when Helen was nearly seven. Anne’s role was to teach, and that she did. But more importantly, she led through listening and a lasting friendship that endured until Anne’s death in 1936.

The positive impact of selfless and sustained friendship cannot be lost, for as Helen Keller wrote in her autobiography, The Story of My Life, “The most important day in all my life is the one on which my teacher, Anne Sullivan, came to me.” Helen captured the incredible impact of her caring friend and teacher in three short, but moving, sentences.

“Have you ever been at sea in a dense fog, when it seemed as if a tangible white darkness shut you in, and the great ship, tense and anxious, groped her way toward the shore with plummet and sounding-line, and you waited with beating heart for something to happen? I was like that ship before my education began, only I was without compass or sounding-line, and had no way of knowing how near the harbor was. ‘Light! Give me light!’ was the wordless cry of my soul, and the light of love shone on me that very hour.”

The lesson for every Listening Leader® is clear, as the world is overflowing with souls who hunger to be led, taught, and befriended, for no one’s benefit but their own.

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Make new friends but keep the old..

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

A friend in need is a friend indeed ~ Latin Proverb
Hold a true friend with both your hands ~ Nigerian Proverb
Life without a friend is like death without a witness ~ Spanish Proverb
In a friend you find a second self ~ Isabelle Norton
Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light ~ Helen Keller
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives ~ Euripides
Of all the things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship ~ Epicurus
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies ~ Aristotle
A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still ~ Nietzsche
The only way to have a friend is to be one ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Two old friends smiled and looked at each other with a wink, as they listened to one of their highly educated friends explain supposed significant facts of life. “Did you know?” their friend explained:

“A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out; all polar bears are left-handed; an ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain; elephants are the only animals that can’t jump; ants fall over on their right side when intoxicated; banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour; China has more English speakers than the United States; the most common name in the world is Mohammed; it is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open; the electric chair was invented by a dentist; no word in the English language rhymes with month; and nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.”

As life-long friends sometimes endure the trivial, they continued to smile, and simply said, “That’s fascinating.” Sometimes old friends endure the ramblings of other old friends.

A LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS:

Kudos to my co-author, colleague, and friend, Dr. Rick Bommelje for his special skill and commitment to serve others, as we fulfill our mission to “Advance Listening Leadership Worldwide.” Dr. Bommelje’s knack of creating enduring friendships with those he leads, is evidenced by recent comments from a few of his new friends who attended the latest International Listening Leadership Institute sponsored Listening Leaders® Workshop.

"Excellent workshop, excellent speaker....will recommend this to others with my organization and to other companies." ~ Tony Bell, Sales Manager, Coca-Cola
"This course gave me real tools that I can use to improve my listening as well as my leadership abilities." ~ Michael Tyler, Technology Consultant, Florida League of Cities
"Great! A lot of useful, practical information. Easy format to take back and keep "alive" at work and home." ~ Amy Medley, Safety & Environmental Coordinator, Regal Marine Industries
"This is real world stuff you can put into action immediately. Rick conveys the message and is very engaging." ~ Doug Worswick, Exec. Vice President, Certified Slings & Supply, Inc.
"This workshop helped me to set up a system of listening that will allow me to be a better leader of myself." ~ Mark Mulligan, Professional Geologist, S&M, Inc.
“You have changed my perception of the purpose of listening. What I learned can be applied immediately. I can add value to my organization by practicing listening leadership skills." ~ Charlene Morris, HR Trainer, Space Coast Credit Union.

Kudos to all who are focused on developing new listening attitudes, skill, and knowledge in the pursuit of "Advancing Listening Leadership® Worldwide.”

WE INVITE YOU TO REGISTER FOR THE NEXT LISTENING LEADERS WORKSHOP WHICH WILL BE HELD IN CENTRAL FLORIDA ON MAY 23, 2006. Limited class size -- enroll early! For brochure, please send an email to RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Identify your dearest life-long friends and consider how you can add more.

Forward this newsletter to your children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com

Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.

Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.

As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.

Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.

Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our new Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.

Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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