Listening Leaders Archived Edition

March 29, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS TACKLE THE TASK OF TRUST

Listening Leaders® systematically and strategically focus on the unending task of developing and maintaining trust.

Recognizing trust is a fragile but invaluable commodity, effective Listening Leaders® build trust by consistently engaging in the trust producing listening characteristics of honesty, integrity, character, reliability, and loyalty. As a consequence, they are trusted by those they lead. In addition, they listen with the burning question, “Who can I trust?” For as Howard Hendricks, the Chairman of the Center for Christian Leadership, so aptly expressed, “The greatest crisis in America is a crisis of leadership and the greatest crisis of leadership is a crisis of character.” The antidote to this crisis resides with Listening Leaders® who inspire trust by listening to, and taking meaningful action with, those they lead.

Obviously, the challenge of establishing trusting relationships takes time, for trust does not sprout quickly or automatically last forever. Rather it emerges over time and requires careful ongoing attention. Like beautiful gardens everywhere, the fruits of trust require committed tending by the hand of attentive listeners.

A creative process of examining how one trusts and is trusted was cleverly established years ago by Dr. Ronald M. Brown, a former University of Minnesota colleague. Dr. Brown’s trust test involved identifying two categories called “Iffers” and “Untillers.” Simply put, he discovered, everyone holds an established set of “If” and “Until” criteria for establishing their personal measurement of trust. For some the trust criteria are extensive, conscious, and clear; for others, the trust criteria are limited, unconscious, and unclear.

The first step for productive Listening Leader® is to make a list outlining your “Ifs.” For example, “I will trust you: if you are honest; if you care about me; if you do not exaggerate; if you do not deceive me; if you are consistent; if you do not spread rumors; if you do not speak about me behind my back; if you have integrity; if you are concerned about the good of others; if you are open to balanced communication; if you control your emotions; etc.”

The second step for productive Listening Leader®, is to make a personal list of your “Untils.” For example, I will trust you “Until” you violate my “Ifs.” Clearly everyone has some “ifs” that are sacrosanct and carved in stone, some “untils” are unbendable, whereas, other “ifs” and “untils” are more malleable. The key is to make your list for your added insight.

Finally, as a productive Listening Leader® we invite you to identify who in your listening circle do you trust, or not trust. Why and why not? Moreover who do you believe trusts you and who do you believe does not trust you. Why and why not? In each case, how do your assumptions match up to your “Iffer” and “Untiller” criteria? Finally, what are you willing to do to build your trust and trusting factor?

Clearly the bedrock of trust begins within, for as Rudyard Kipling wrote, “If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give into hating, and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…You’ll be a Man, my son!”

The implicit importance of building trust through listening lies in Alvin Toffler’s work, “Future Shock” as he noted that “Western society for the past 300 years has been caught up in a fire storm of change. This storm, far from abating, now appears to be gathering force. Change sweeps through the highly industrialized countries with waves of ever accelerating speed and unprecedented impact.”

Continuing Toffler believes, “…we are increasing the sophistication of deception faster than the technology of verification. The consequence of that is the end of truth. The dark side of the information technology explosion is that it will breed a population that believes nothing, and perhaps even more dangerous, a population ready to believe only one ‘truth’ fanatically and willing to kill for it….”

The danger of a world wherein no one trusts anyone destroys the possibility of any positive listening, for according to 17th Century French prelate and statesman Cardinal de Retz, “The most distrusting persons are often the greatest dupes”

Or as Lord Salisbury pessimistically wrote to Lord Lytton in the 1800’s, “No lesson seems to be so deeply inculcated by the experience of life as that you should never trust experts. If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome: if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent: if you believe the soldiers, nothing is safe. They all require having their strong wine diluted by a very large admixture of insipid common sense.”

Present day Listening Leaders® may operate with healthy skepticism, while understanding that pessimism and distrust can only destroy the opportunities of developing new found and lasting trust.

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® commit to the task of listening and earning trust.

Building and reinforcing trust is important during good times and difficult times. Unfortunately, during good days it is often taken for granted as a given. In tough times, the task simply becomes tougher.

However as Golden Circle Listening Leader®, Jerry Tostrud observed, there are many ways to earn necessary and lasting trust. Sometimes it simply requires “Listening Lunches.”

As the now retired Executive Vice President of West Publishing Company, Jerry shared a critical trust-building story. “We had about 75 to 80 people on our “management group payroll,” which included primarily department supervisors and a few department managers. It was a difficult period, as we were facing tremendous technological changes, and there was a lot of concern throughout the company.

Our chief competitor in the electronic arena had developed a competitive advantage with a computerized legal research system. They were three to five years ahead of us, and we were playing catch-up. At the same time, we were engaged in extensive technological changes in our manufacturing area. We hadn’t had a layoff since 1932, and our employees were nervous. It was a period of extreme uncertainty.

I started having weekly “listening lunches” with these 80 leaders, in groups of eight. We held the listening lunches to let them know what our challenges were, and then asked them for their questions and feedback. The employees were terrific, and we listened to their suggestions. In fact, we discovered things that, quite frankly we would not have heard if we hadn’t had the lunches. Within two hours after the first lunch, half of the people in the company knew what these listening lunches were all about. They all wanted to know when they would have the opportunity to share their ideas.

This experience reinforced the great listening lesson of the importance and value of trust. We don’t tell people important things if we don’t trust them, and people won’t tell you things if they don’t trust you. But, if you get to know people over a period of time and you’re honest and above board, they will share important information.”

The secret lies in the simple reality of, “I’ll trust you if….and until….

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Take your friends, colleagues, customers, and suppliers to lunch and listen.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

Trust ivrybody─but cut th’ ca-ards ~ Finley Peter Dunne
Trust yourself only, and another shall not betray thee ~ Thomas Fuller
A man who doesn’t trust himself can never trust anyone else ~ Cardinal de Retz
We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us ~ Samuel Johnson
Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near ~ Helen Rowland
Never trust the man who hath reason to suspect that you know he hath injured you ~ Henry Fielding
Some patients, though conscious that their condition is perilous, recover their health simply through their contentment with the goodness of the physician ~ Hippocrates
A prince who will not undergo the difficulty of understanding must undergo the danger of trusting ~ Halifax
And trust me not at all or all in all ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Trust one who has gone through it ~ Virgil
In the people was my trust, and in the virtues mine eyes had seen ~ William Wordsworth
Never trust the artist. Trust the tale. The proper function of a critic is to save the tale from the artist who created it. ~ D. H. Lawrence

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Trust or lack of trust between partners is crucial to ongoing friendships and productive relationships. A story is told of two partners, John and Al. John was dying, and Al, his longtime trusted business partner, stood by his hospital bedside. Obviously, John wanting to clear his conscience before he died confessed he had violated Al’s long-lived trust.

John said, “Al, I need to tell you that I abused your trust and stole $100,000.00 from our firm some years ago when you were out of the country.”

Listening carefully, Al responded, “Not now John, this is no time to discuss that.”

Relieved, but still contrite, John continued, “And Al, I know you trusted me, but I have had an affair with your wife for the last ten years.”

Calmly Al said, “John, this is not the time to talk about this. I’ve known about all these things, and more, for a long time. Why do you think I poisoned you?”

Trust is indeed a fragile thing.

A LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS:

Kudos to James O’Toole, Professor of Leadership Studies, at the University of Southern California, who succinctly captured the pure essence of listening and building trust.

Professor O’Toole simply said, “The greatest source of power available to a leader is the trust that derives from faithfully serving followers.” To which we would add, cannot be accomplished without faithful listening!

WE INVITE YOU TO REGISTER FOR THE NEXT LISTENING LEADERS WORKSHOP WHICH WILL BE HELD IN CENTRAL FLORIDA ON MAY 23, 2006. Limited class size -- enroll early! For brochure, please send an email to RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Identify three ways you can listen and build trust with those you lead.

Forward this newsletter to your children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com

Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.

Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.

As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.

Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.

Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our new Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.

Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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