Listening Leaders Archived Edition

April 19, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS PONDER PERPLEXING PARADOXES

Listening Leaders® find value in pondering perplexing paradoxes.

Although limited investment in studying perplexing paradoxes is made in the 21st century, thoughtful leaders will profit by developing the special listening skill of listening to statements that seem to contradict themselves. For as the Swiss writer, Friedrich DŸrrenmatt reminds us, “He who confronts the paradoxical exposes himself to reality.” Or, as the Danish Theologian Sšren Kierkegaard observed, “The paradox is the source of the thinker’s passion, and the thinker without a paradox is like a lover without feeling; a paltry mediocrity.

Listening Leaders® play with the difficult challenge that resides within the staged tasks of sensing, understanding, judging, and responding to any and all perplexing and paradoxical thoughts. However, the task of listening to spoken paradoxes poses a greater challenge, as the spoken word is relatively transparent and flees quickly on the wind. When reading perplexing paradoxical thoughts, readers hold the advantage of the written word and the opportunity to pause and ponder. By comparison, listening to paradoxical thoughts places greater challenge and great responsibility for skill development upon the listener.

For example, consider the simple example of a paradoxical statement that contradicts itself like, “I always lie.” Obviously if it is true it must be false. Written on paper, readers control the pacing opportunity for thoughtful reflection and consideration. Verbalized and passed on the wind, listeners require moments of “frozen reflection.” Although the statement, “The barber shaves all the men in the village who do not shave themselves” seems like a clear statement, a paradox arises. Given that the barber is a man and lives in the same village, who shaves the barber?

Of course, as thinking listeners know, many statements that contradict or seem to contradict themselves, often express truths. Consider such statements as: “One who loses her life shall find it”; “Less is more”; “Slow and steady wins the race”; “The child is the father of the man”.

For centuries deep-thinkers have reveled in the toil of creating and exploring a variety of paradoxical problems. In the 5th Century, the Greek philosopher Zeno of Elea is credited with developing a number of Zeno’s Paradoxes that have challenged the intellectual understanding of a multitude of philosophers, ethicists, mathematicians, and scientists. A great starting point to explore the task of understanding perplexing paradoxes lies in the “Achilles and the Tortoise, the Dichotomy, the Arrow, and the Stadium.” Then explore Grelling’s Paradox; Liar Paradox, Russell’s Paradox,; and, Skolem’s Paradox..

If those confuse you just explore the numerous paradoxical statements and expressions that seem contradictory and absurd, but actually hold believable and coherent meaning. Simple thoughts as, “Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink are paradoxical in nature. Perplexing paradoxes at various levels of difficulty surround any listener who chooses to attend to speakers in every arena of life. 21st Century listeners will find great opportunity to practice deciphering the paradoxes so often uttered by politicians, talk radio callers, and Yogi Berra.

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® exercise on perplexing paradoxes.

Golden Circle Listening Leader® Doug Neiner reminds us of the importance of a modern paradox known as the Stockdale Paradox. Spotlighted by Jim Collins in his best selling book, Good to Great, the Stockdale Paradox is a valuable characteristic of all great leaders who face special challenges and difficulties in their life.

Simply put, the Stockdale Paradox will help any Listening Leader® “Retain their faith that they will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties. AND at the same time, Confront the most brutal facts of their current reality, whatever they might be.” The paradox is simple, as both individual and organizations can act with a powerful psychological duality. Stockdale’s experience as an 8 year POW proved that on one hand, individuals and groups of individuals can stoically accept the brutal facts of reality, and concurrently maintain an unwavering faith in the endgame.

The ability to ponder such perplexing paradoxes is even more impressive knowing that this powerful insight and practice came from Vietnam POW Admiral Jim Stockdale.

As Collins reported, “Stockdale was the highest-ranking United States military officer held in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp from 1965 to 1973. Stockdale lived out the war without any prisoner's rights, no set release date, and no certainty as to whether he would survive to see his family again. He shouldered the burden of command; doing everything he could to create conditions that would increase the number of prisoners who would survive unbroken, while fighting an internal war against his captors and their attempts to use the prisoners for propaganda. At one point, he beat himself with a stool and cut himself with a razor, deliberately disfiguring himself, so that he could not be put on videotape as an example of a “well-treated prisoner.” He exchanged secret intelligence information with his wife through their letters, knowing that discovery would mean more torture and perhaps death. He instituted rules that would help people to deal with torture and instituted an elaborate internal communications system to reduce the sense of isolation that their captors tried to create. After his release, Stockdale became the first three-star officer in the history of the navy to wear both aviator wings and the Congressional Medal of Honor.”

spite of the horrific experience faced by Stockdale and his fellow POW mates, understanding the paradoxical contradictions of their circumstances contributed to their survival. Listening and leading others often requires the willingness and ability to listen to and through the duality of contradictory messages.

Oliver Wendell Holmes captured our present-day challenge of identifying perplexing paradoxes well, when speaking of his historian friend, John Motley. Holmes said: “There is that glorious epicurean paradox uttered by Motley in one of his flashing moments: ‘Give us the luxuries of life, and we will dispense with its necessaries.’”

On the other hand, the Stockdale Paradox is a model for all Listening Leaders® who choose to lead themselves and others.

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Listen for perplexing paradoxes in difficult in trying times.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

Paradoxes are useful to attract attention to ideas ~ Mandell Creighton
Man is an embodied paradox, a bundle of contradictions ~ Charles Caleb Colton
A lie can travel half-way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes ~ Mark Twain
The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us ~ Paul Valéry
What a pity that youth must be wasted on the young ~ George Bernard Shaw
We were overwhelming underdogs ~ Yogi Berra
We’re lost but we’re making good time ~ Yogi Berra
Pair up in threes ~ Yogi Berra
It gets late early out here ~ Yogi Berra

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Numerous perplexing paradoxes can be found by examining the behavior of many of our elected officials. Perhaps the greatest paradox lies in the question, “How did they get elected?”

A Washington D.C. travel agent reported the following perplexing communication interchanges.

A senior Vermont Congressman was upset with a scheduled trip to Orlando, Florida, as he was expecting an ocean-view room. In spite of an explanation that Orlando is in the middle of the state, the Congressman replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

A New York lawmaker wanted to know “Why the airlines put one’s physical description on your luggage tag?” Asked what she meant, she explained, “When I checked in with the ticket counter they put a tag on my bag that said ‘FAT’. I am overweight and I think that’s very rude.” With a bit of checking the airline discovered she was flying to Fresno, California; or FAT.

Another Senior Senator called to see what documents he needed to fly to China and was told he needed a Passport and a Visa. Indignantly the Senator declared “Look, I’ve been to China several times and they have never required Visa, because they always have accepted my American Express.”

A New Mexico Congressman called to make a reservation and announced “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” Confused, the agent responded, “I’ve looked at every airport code in the country and there is no Rhino anywhere.” The Congressman responded, “Everyone knows where it is, just check your map of New York.”; and the agent finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo do you?” “Whatever?” said the Congressman. “I knew it was a big animal.”

And they make our laws.

A LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS:

Kudos to Dr. Rick Bommelje! It is neither perplexing, nor a paradox that Rick was selected to receive the prestigious International Listening Association’s “2006 Listening Educator of the Year Award.” Congratulations Rick!

LISTENING LEADERS WORKSHOP: THE NEXT LISTENING LEADERS WORKSHOP WILL BE HELD IN CENTRAL FLORIDA ON MAY 23, 2006. Limited class size -- enroll early! For workshop details and to register go to www.ListeningLeaders.com

BECOME CERTIFIED TO TEACH LISTENING LEADERSHIP IN YOUR ORGANIZATION. For certification details, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

A special note to our wonderful Subscribers: Beginning with this issue of our Listening Leaders Newsletter, we will move to a Bi-Monthly Publication Schedule. We appreciate the wonderful e-mails, notes, calls, and letters from our thousands of Subscribers who find value in our Newsletter. We continue our Mission “To Advance Listening Leadership Worldwide” and, in truth, the simple reason for this change lies in the time demands of our extremely busy personal and professional lives. Look for us on the 1st and 3rd Wednesday of every month. In the meantime, Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count!

WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Commit to listening for perplexing paradoxes.

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Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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