Listening Leaders Archived Edition

August 23, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS CULTIVATE COURAGE

Listening Leaders® confront conflicts by consciously cultivating courage.

In environments of unending conflict, effective listeners meet the harshness of words and actions of others with courageous acts and actions of listening. Although most leaders remember the old adage: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” most listeners also recognize that conflict-laden words can be very hurtful and courage is required. When verbally castigated and crucified, Listening Leaders® develop courage in a number of ways.

First and most importantly, they establish a pre-planned strategy for listening courageously. In the process, they develop a positive plan to simply act rather than to re-act.

Second, they make a commitment to never take the negative words, dismissive taunts, and profane attacks of others personally. Most often such verbal attacks say more about the attacker than the attacked. When unfairly attacked by negative verbal assaults, effective listeners pause, step back, and contemplate the essence of the verbal attack and the verbal attacker.

Third, they develop the courage to withhold the desire and tendency to respond in-kind. Operating from the simple wisdom that additional negative words do not negate negative words, Listening Leaders® cultivate the courage to keep their powder dry. They resist negative verbal counter attack. Like Mohammad Ali, they resort to a courageous game plan like the “Rope-a-Dope” and simply absorb the momentary punishment. Like Horatius at the bridge, they listen carefully and enjoy victory with honor.

Such acts of courage allow the fourth important step of dealing with conflict. Courageous listening calls for thoughtful consideration of numerous questions. Why am I being attacked? What is the source of anger? What is relevant? How do I respond in a rational, creative, and productive way?

Rudyard Kipling captured the spirit of every courageous listener with his simple words of “If.”

“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired of waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:…Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And ─which is more─you’ll be a Man, my son!”

In the process of displaying courageous listening behavior, verbal attackers may be shamed and rebuffed. At the same time, Listening Leaders® will inspire meaningful courageous listening behavior in countless others. Courageous listening behavior requires a special kind of bravery, for as Aristotle observed, “We become brave by doing brave acts.”

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® find courage in being courageous.

As baseball lovers everywhere enjoy the excitement of the approaching playoffs and the fall World Series, it is important to remember the game has been built on numerous lessons of listening courage. Amongst the best is the courageous story of Jackie Robinson as so ably told by Hal Butler in “The Man Who Broke the Color Barrier.”

Until 1945, no black had ever played major league baseball. Then Branch Rickey, General Manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers, had the courage to sign Jackie Robinson. Rickey knew the first black major league baseball player would suffer horrible abuse. He also firmly believed the only way to win public acceptance was for that man to take every insult, threat, and nasty name without showing anger.

Rickey knew Robinson was a great baseball player, but the first question he asked Robinson was, “Do you have the guts not to fight back?” Before Jackie Robinson could answer, Branch Rickey said, “You’ll have to promise me that for three years you will not answer back, because you cannot win this battle by retaliation. You can’t echo a curse with a curse, a blow with a blow.”

Soon the bigots appeared and the attacks began. But although the hurtful words infuriated Robinson, he remembered and followed Branch Rickey’s words: “You will have to take everything they dish out and never strike back.”

Robinson was run out of towns, baseball parks were padlocked, physical threats were common, opposing pitchers constantly threw at him, and fans and players called him insulting names so vile they were unprintable. Yet Robinson never responded in kind.

When dissident members of his own team signed a petition that they would not play with a black player, Rickey courageously and bluntly told them Robinson would play with the Dodgers whether they liked it or not. Some backed down and some asked to be traded. Throughout, Jackie Robinson exhibited courage that few men have been called on to show. He took it all, never losing his temper and never striking back, except through his play.

When a group of St. Louis Cardinal players planned to go on strike and refuse to play the Dodgers if Robinson played, the President of the National League, Ford Frick, sent a stinging ultimatum to the players planning to strike. “If you do this,” he warned, “you will be suspended from the league. You will find that the friends you think you have in the press box will not support you, that you will be the outcasts. I do not care if half the league strikes. All will be suspended. This is the United States of America, and one citizen has as much right to play as any other.” The planned strike was cancelled, yet the verbal insults and taunts continued with renewed vigor. Robinson remembered his promise to Rickey and simply played on.

One day when the verbal catcalls and attacks reached new heights of viciousness, Pee Wee Reese, the Dodger shortstop from Kentucky, jogged over to Robinson and placed his hand on Jackie’s shoulder and talked. A photographer captured the picture and it appeared in newspapers around the country. A simple picture of a supporting teammate who had the courage to accept a man for his superb skill as a ballplayer, regardless of his color had a positive impact.

Courageous acts of a few trump cowardly acts of many every day. Yet, the game of baseball was forever enhanced by the courageous listening and leading of one man, Jackie Robinson.

Like Robinson, Listening Leaders® everywhere will profit and build courage by following the advice of the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who observed: “The essence of good and evil lies in an attitude of the will. There are things which are within your power, and there are things which are beyond your power. Within your power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion; in a word, whatever affairs are your own. Beyond your power is body, property, reputation, office: in a word, affairs not properly your own. Concern yourself only with what is within your power.”

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Consider, record, and deal with what is in your power.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace ~ Amelia Earhart
Until the day of his death, no man can be sure of his courage ~ Jean Anouilh
Concern yourself only with what is within your power ~ Epictetus
Keep a stiff upper lip ~ Phoebe Cary

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Courage can be found in simple stories as apparently illustrated by a recent contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" If answered correctly, the final question was worth $1,000,000. However, if the answer was incorrect, the prize would only be $32,000. The million-dollar question was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it: a) the condor; b) the buzzard; c) the cuckoo; or, d) the vulture?

Not knowing the answer, the contestant was in deep trouble because the 50/50 Lifeline and the Audience Poll Lifeline had already been used. Only the Phone-a-Friend Lifeline remained. However, the contestant had hoped the friend would not have to be called as the friend was a bit ditzy and rather slow on the uptake.

With no alternative, the friend was called, given the question and the four choices. Without hesitation the ditzy and slow friend said, “That's easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a courageous decision and make it fast. Perhaps a reverse strategy should be employed, in which Regis was given any answer except the one that the slow friend had provided. But the ditzy friend had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

Adding to the pressure, Regis pressed: "I need an answer.” Reaching deep for courage and crossing her fingers, the contestant said, " My final answer is C: The cuckoo."

Dispensing with the normal delay for suspense, Regis said, "That answer is absolutely correct, and you are now a millionaire!"

Days later, the new millionaire hosted a party for a large group of family and adorning fans, including the ditzy friend who had provided the winning answer. “I will never know how you had the courage to give me the answer with such certainty," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said her friend, "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."

A LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS:

Congratulations to Davee Schuh, a courageous Listening Leader® reader from Salt Lake City who supplies “wild game” to the Chefs at many of the finest restaurants in the country. Davee recently wrote, “I’m a loyal reader of your listening and leadership online newsletter. Our business has grown and prospered in the last few years and I thoroughly believe it has to do with some of the subtle skills I’ve learned and shared from listening. Thank you for your insights. You strengthen others.”

If you want your favorite restaurant to serve outstanding and ‘exotic wild game,” have them call Davee Schuh at 801-278-9791 in Salt Lake City, as he is there to listen and serve. Thanks for your kind note Davee, and keep on listening and leading!

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WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

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Dig deep and find courage.
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Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick
__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
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