Listening Leaders Archived Edition

October 4, 2006

LISTENING LEADERS FAVOR FORGIVENESS

Listening Leaders® foster and favor forgiveness.

In a world filled with hateful hurt, anguished anger, and bountiful blame, Listening Leaders® appreciate the benefits of forgiveness. As Laurence Sterne suggested in 1760, “Only the brave know how to forgive. A coward never, for it is not in their nature.” Effective listeners profit in numerous ways by refining and engaging the power of forgiveness. For as psychiatrist Thomas Szasz observed, “The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the na•ve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”

As difficult as it may be, granting forgiveness opens the opportunity to listen, learn, and lead. For without heartfelt forgiveness, the heart hardens and listening is adversely impacted. At its worse, listening ceases. As Pavese observed, it is simply not enough to “forgive others when it suits us.” For if and when it suits us, it becomes easy to choose to whom, for what, and when forgiveness is extended. In the process of forgiving, listeners understand the simple fact that no one speaks or acts without faults. From this base, leaders appreciate they can only open the channels of listening by refining and expanding their attitudes and skills of forgiving. The challenge lies not in forgiving unquestionably, but rather in committing to forgive completely and unconditionally.

Listening Leaders® profit by practicing 3 simple acts of forgiveness. First, they freeze all verbal moments that others express in frustration and anger, which in turn, elicit reactions of disappointment, anger and negative action. Negative judgment is reduced and replaced with consideration of the unacceptable behavior.

Second, Listening Leaders® weigh the literal consequences of listening and responding in a non-forgiving or an unforgiving fashion. They clearly understand how difficult and unlikely it is to progress through the necessary steps of the Listening SIER Stages. For the unforgiving listener refuses to Sense and attend those deemed to be unworthy of forgiveness. Moreover, the unforgiving listener’s Interpretation and understanding will always be adversely impacted. As a consequence, the unforgiving listener’s Evaluation and judgment will be skewed, and the ultimate Response will confirm and reinforce the validity of the listener’s act of being and remaining unforgiving. As a result, the process repeats itself to the detriment of everyone. The only antidote is unconditional forgiveness.

Third, Listening Leaders® act on the simple fact that forgiving others requires an internal strength and exercise of the difficult practice on a regular basis. Like all long-distance runners, forgiving listeners build their ability and endurance to forgive others over a period of time. They begin by unconditionally forgiving those who are easy to forgive and progress to forgiving those who are more difficult to forgive. As heartfelt forgiving attitudes and skills are refined, Listening Leaders® move to forgiving those most difficult to forgive.

As a result they eliminate walls and build bridges everywhere they travel.

LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® practice unconditional forgiveness.

History is replete with leaders who forgave the doubt, ignorance, harshness, and cruelty of others.

Jesus simply said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”

In 1294, Richard I forgave his brother John who had attempted to overthrow him while Richard was a prisoner in Germany, with the simple words, “Think no more of it, John; you are only a child who has had evil counselors.”

Colonel Sanders forgave those who said he was “too old” to start a business.

The Wright brothers forgave those who said “It is impossible for men to fly.”

Following his first screen test, Fred Astaire forgave the MGM testing director who composed a memo that said, “Can’t act! Slightly bald! Can dance a little!

Albert Einstein forgave the partially correct individual who said, “Einstein doesn’t wear socks and forgets to cut his hair. Could be mentally retarded.”

Vince Lombardi forgave the “expert” who said, “Lombardi possesses minimal football knowledge. Lacks motivation.”

Novelist John Creasey forgave the sources of 753 rejection slips before he published 564 books.

Forgiveness cleans the slate for the motivated listener, for as the actress Marlene Dietrich so aptly observed, “Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast.”

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Seek out and extend forgiveness to 3 individuals whom you no longer listen to.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

Forgive and forget ~ Proverb
Let bygones be bygones ~ Proverb
The cut worm forgives the plough ~ William Blake
To err is human, to forgive, divine ~ Alexander Pope
The robb’d that smiles steals something from the thief ~ Shakespeare

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

An astute Listening Leader® subscriber shared the following story which illustrates how forgiveness can be extended in strange ways.

Evidently a quiet and highly respected lady went into a local pharmacy and told the pharmacist, “I would like to buy enough cyanide to poison my husband.”

Aghast with her straightforward request, the pharmacist said, “I can’t do that! Murder is against the law. I’ll lose my license and they will throw both of us in jail for life.”

In response the distinguished lady reached into her purse and removed a picture of her husband in a compromising position with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist carefully examined the picture and replied, “Please forgive me, madam. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription!”

LISTENING LEADERS GOES INTERNATIONAL IN ASIA/PACIFIC:

Rick Bommelje has spent the last month in Asia/Pacific planting Listening Leadership seeds. On September 11, 2006, 44 leaders in Hong Kong participated in the Listening Leaders Workshop. Additionally, two organizations became certified to deliver the Workshop.

Congratulations go to Sidney Yuen, CEO of Hong Kong Benchmarking Clearinghouse for bringing Listening Leadership to Asia/Pacific. Sidney will initially begin delivering the Workshop in Hong Kong and China.

Congratulations are also extended to the Hong Kong Broadband Network who became the second organization to be licensed. Four facilitators were equipped in the Certification to deliver the Workshop in their organization: Terence Wat, Erick Lee, Jimmy Wong and Kent Li.

Rick also delivered the Listening Leaders Workshop to 20 senior executives in Bangkok, Thailand on September 15, 2006. Congratulations go to Udom Swangjit, CEO of ACI Consultants, Ltd., for organizing the Workshop for his key clients. Future plans call for ACI to deliver the Workshop throughout Thailand.

Khon Kaen University, a widely respected and large provincial institution in Thailand, became the first university in the world to offer the Listening Leaders Workshop as part of a course for Doctoral and Graduate Students in Mathematics Education. Congratulations are extended to Dr. Maitree Inprasatha, the visionary Director of the Center for Research in Mathematics Education, for embracing Listening Leadership as it relates to teaching mathematics.

BECOME CERTIFIED TO TEACH LISTENING LEADERSHIP IN YOUR ORGANIZATION. You will become fully equipped to deliver a unique and proven Workshop that provides practical and measurable results. For certification details, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com

WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action:

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Find concrete opportunities to forgive others.
Forward this newsletter to your children, grandchildren, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com
Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.
Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.
As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.
Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.
Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our new Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.
Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick
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LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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