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[ListeningLeaders]
Listening Leaders Newsletter
March 7, 2007
LISTENING LEADERS VANQUISH VANITY & CONQUER CONCEIT
Listening Leaders® vanquish vanity and conquer conceit.
The truth of the matter is simple: vanity and conceit ends all need to listen to any message that fails to feed the prevailing vanity and conceit. For as Francis Bacon wrote in the 17th Century, “It was prettily devised of Aesop, ‘The fly sat upon the axletree of the chariot-wheel and said, what a dust do I raise.’”
Conceited and vain leaders find little need to listen to anyone who views the world from a different perspective. Vanity colors all listening, for as the Austrian writer, Marie Ebner von Eschenbach claimed, “We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don’t care for.” In addition, as Joseph Conrad observed in Lord Jim, “Vanity plays lurid tricks with our memory.” Or as Benjamin Franklin reminded anyone who would listen, “He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals.”
On the other hand, effective Listening Leaders® manage to vanquish vanity and conquer conceit. Traversing the fine line between confidence and conceit, leaders who desire to listen and serve others conquer conceit by remembering three simple facts.
First, vain and conceited leaders fail to listen to anyone who does not feed their debilitating vanity. In the process, conceited leaders listen for their own aggrandizement and gratification, learn little and lead few. Nevertheless, as the British writer, Max Beerbohm cautioned every thinking leader, “It seems to be a law of nature that no man ever is loath to sit for his portrait.”
Second, vain and conceited leaders become more impressed with their own perceived competencies than they deserve. Such unsuccessful leaders were best described by Disraeli, who said, “He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.” Although the cock awakens many, he irritates more. Unfortunately when vain and conceited leaders attempt to lead, few seldom follow with great enthusiasm or enjoyment.
Third, Listening Leaders® who manage to control every vestige of vanity and corpuscle of conceit hold the potential to listen and lead with maximized effect. They follow the lead of all leaders who operate on the simple truth that, “When we talk we only learn what we already know. When we listen we have a chance to learn something new.” Moreover, by listening and placing one’s focus on others, skilled Listening Leaders® enjoy the opportunity to lead through service.
LISTENING LEADER KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® vanquish vanity and control conceit.
Listening Leaders® can find examples of conceit in a multitude of voices of famous people throughout the ages. A great example lies in the interchanges of James Whistler, the American-born artist and Oscar Wilde the Irish playwright, novelist and poet.
James Whistler resolved to become an artist and moved to Europe permanently in 1855. Oscar Wilde was one of his famous friends and both were well known for their vanity and biting wit.
As evidence of Wilde’s simple conceit, when a U.S. Customs officer asked Wilde the basic question, “Do you have anything to declare?” Wilde responded, "I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
An English newspaper captured their collective conceit when they printed the following bit of gossip: “James Whistler and Oscar Wilde were seen yesterday at Brighton, talking as usual about themselves.” Whistler sent the paragraph to Wilde with a note saying: “I wish these reporters would be accurate. If you remember, Oscar, we were talking about me.” Wilde responded with a telegram saying: “It is true, Jimmie, we were talking about you, but I was thinking of myself.”
Golden Circle Listening Leaders® will find greater value in following the advice of Epictetus, who recommended that our first business is “To part with self-conceit. For it is impossible for anyone to begin to learn what he thinks that he already knows.”
LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Honor humility.
GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:
- Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away ~ Psalms 144;4
- Vanity is the fruit of ignorance ~ Ross
- There is no arena in which vanity displays itself under such a variety of forms as in conversation ~ Pascal
- When success turns a man’s head, he faces failure ~ Eric Fromm
- It is our own vanity that makes the vanity of others in tolerable to us ~ La Rochefoucauld
- If other people are going to talk, conversation becomes impossible ~ James Whistler
- He who is always his own counselor will often have a fool for his client ~ Hunter
- Conceit is God’s gift to little men ~ Anonymous
A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:
Jim Olson suggests that vain and conceited listeners view the world of work differently.“When I take a long time…I am slow. When my boss takes a long time…he is thorough.
When I don’t finish a job…I am lazy. When my boss doesn’t finish a job…he is just too busy.
When I do something without being told…I am overstepping my boundaries. When my boss does the same thing…he is showing initiative.
When I take a stand…I am stubborn. When my boss takes a stand…he is standing on principle.
When I violate a rule of etiquette…I am rude. When my boss violates the same rules…he is just displaying originality.
When I please my boss…I am apple-polishing. When my boss pleases his boss…he claims he is a team player.
When I find success…I am lucky. When my boss succeeds…it is due to hard work.”
Vanity and conceit obviously alters perspective and if it wasn’t sad it would be funny.
LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS
Congratulations to Baji Puram, CLU for his practical application of our Listening Leaders Newsletter and book. Baji is a seasoned Financial Advisor for Northwestern Mutual Financial Network in Minneapolis, who understands the power of our 10th Listening Golden Rule: “Listening Leaders® Take Meaningful Action.”
In response to our February 21st, “Listening Leaders® Perpetuate Past President’s Practices” Newsletter, Baji wrote, “I just used your article that was written a few days ago, you had quoted: Prior preparation prevents poor performance--the 5P's.
I thought about it and read the article several times, I took it seriously and internalized that line:
As a result I recently closed a life insurance policy for a premium of $50,000!”
In addition, Baji uses our Listening Leaders: The Ten Golden Rules to Listen, Lead & Succeed book as a thank you gift to his special clients.
Kudos to Baji Puram!
BECOME CERTIFIED TO TEACH LISTENING LEADERSHIP IN YOUR ORGANIZATION.
You will become fully equipped to deliver a unique and proven Workshop that provides practical and measurable results. For certification details, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com
ORDER YOUR “LISTENING LEADERS WORKSHOP ‘IN A BOX’.
You don't have to wait for the next live Listening Leaders® Workshop! The entire workshop is in a format that you can take at your own pace in the comfort of your own office or home. For details, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com
WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action
Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:
- Control every vestige of vanity and conceit.
- Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.
- Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.
- As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.
- Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.
- Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our new Certification program.
- We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.
Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick
__________________________________________________________________
LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEEDBy Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje
Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.
“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening
ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com
Listening Leaders is a weekly e-mail newsletter for people who understand the value of Listening Leadership in their life.
It is brought to you by
the INTERNATIONAL LISTENING LEADERSHIP INSTITUTE
We welcome your comments, suggestions and questions.
Please e-mail: ClientServices@ListeningLeaders.com.Also, please visit our website: www.ListeningLeaders.com
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COPYRIGHT AND REPRINTS
Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears: "© International Listening Leadership Institute. Reprinted with permission from ‘“The Listening Leaders Newsletter,' a weekly Internet newsletter”. For your own personal subscription, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com"PRIVACY STATEMENT
Your e-mail address is absolutely confidential. We will NEVER give, sell or share your address with anyone.
Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.comDr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com© 2007 by International Listening Leadership Institute.
All rights reserved
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