Listening Leaders Archived Edition

March 5, 2008

LISTENING LEADERS LISTENING LEADERS HELP HEAL HURTING HEARTS

Listening Leaders® recognize that the world around them is filled with a number of individuals who are suffering from hurting hearts. Hearts that are wounded and troubled by the debilitating impact of underemployment, unemployment, foreclosures, bankruptcies, loneliness, separation, divorce, depression, health issues, terrorism threats, international conflict, and much more. Moreover, these hurting hearts are quietly pleading for the active engagement of skilled caring and cathartic Listening Leaders®. For reflection suggests that a caring listener is the ultimate antidote for those who suffer heartache, are heartsick and heartbroken.

Compassion for others in their moments of difficulty and travail separates the truly impactful listening servant leader. As Simone Weil so clearly observed, “The love of our neighbor in all its fullness simply means being able to say, ‘What are you going through?’” To this end, the opportunity and challenge of all Listening Leaders® resides in developing and practicing five heartfelt caring attitudes and specific listening skills. .

Second, listening to hurting hearts requires the active step of Invitation. For as Carolyn Wells argues, “Invitation is the sincerest flattery.” Observation without invitation provides no opportunity for healing. Or, as Henrietta Roland-Holst experienced, “I looked for a sounding-board and I found none. The hearts that I called out to remained stone.” Invitation to hurting hearts provides the opportunity to listen to hurting souls engage in required catharsis.

Finally, Listening Leaders® constantly focus on the listening trifecta of Attending, Understanding, and, Empathizing. Salve for healing the hurting heart requires a large dose of listening attention. In the view of Anne-Sophie Swetchine, “Attention is a silent and perpetual flattery.” Simone Weil reinforced the importance of attention with the argument, “Those who are unhappy have no need for anything in this world but people giving them their attention.” Of course, attention without understanding and empathy is not enough. For as Winifred Holtby espoused, “The crown of life is neither happiness nor annihilation; it is understanding.” Building the argument, Marie Curie believed, “Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” And, we would add, “understood with empathy.” For without empathy ailing hearts will never be healed. When leaders listen with true empathy hurting hearts can and will be healed.

Remember the sentiment of Emily Dickinson who wrote: “If I can stop one heart from breaking; I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching, or cool one pain; I shall not live in vain.”

So as we continue our quest of “Advancing listening leadership throughout the world,” we invite all Listening Leaders® to embrace the opportunities to listen and heal the hurting hearts in your midst.

LISTENING LEADER® KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® heal hurting hearts.

Nearly a decade ago, Dr. James Lynch author of “A Cry Unheard: New Insights Into the Medical Consequences of Loneliness” provided irrefutable groundbreaking evidence of the silent epidemic of a “cry unheard.” Focusing on a multitude of studies, Dr Lynch outlined how millions of lonely people die broken-hearted and prematurely every year because of a lack of human connection and communication. His exhaustive review of research findings clarify how technology can exacerbate loneliness and contribute to the actual decline in face-to-face dialogue. Such technology-induced loneliness leads to lethal medical risks and results.

The point is reinforced that loneliness remains an unrecognized agent of danger to everyone’s medical health and well-being and is made worse by the electronic disembodiment of human dialogue, the negative impact of family and communal disintegration, living alone, and divorce.

Dr. Lynch draws on decades of extensive medical and sociological research to conclude that every citizen living in the world’s technologically advanced nations faces the potential of suffering debilitating and deadly health threats caused by communicative disease as well as communicable disease. Of special interest is the impact of depression as a major contributor to the development of coronary heart disease and death. For depression is almost always accompanied by a tendency to withdraw from others, to reduce engagement with others, with increased feelings of loneliness and abandonment, and difficulties in communicating. In short, irrefutable evidence supports the simple fact that the absence, breakdown, or lethal poisoning of human dialogue increases the type of risks that lead to premature deaths.

For as Paul Simon’s song, “Sounds of Silence” reminds us: “And in the naked light I saw ten thousand people, maybe more. People talking without speaking. People hearing without listening. People writing songs that voices never shared. No one dared disturb the sounds of silence.”

That is except for brave Listening Leaders® like you who care, who reach out, and who truly listen to help heal the hurting hearts in your world.

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Serve as the Antidote

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

Let the wise listen and add to their learning ~ Proverbs 1:5
We want people to feel with us more than to act for us ~ George Eliot
Listening is the ultimate antidote for healing hurting hearts ~ Lyman K. Steil
It is only in the heart that anything really happens ~ Ellen Glasgow
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice ~ Shakespeare
It’s the friends you can call at 4 a.m. that matter ~ Marlene Dietrich
Listen with your heart and love will find it’s way to you ~ Rick Bommelje

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

In discussing the importance of listening to the hurting heart, a friend pointed to the listener’s difficult challenge of listening to hypochondriacs. When asked how one could identify hypochondriacs, the following examples were offered:

“They always give you a preamble to their constitution; If they find a feather in their bed, they think they have chicken pox; They always feel like a sick oyster at low tide; They won’t use ice cubes, because they can’t boil them; They won’t even talk on the phone to anyone who has a cold; They just can’t leave being well enough alone; They are unhappy when they have no troubles to speak of; They always feel bad when they feel good for fear they will feel worse when they feel better.”

To which we ask, “Anybody you know?”

LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS

Kudos to all the Listening Leaders® who serve in arenas dedicated to helping others. Especially the Doctors and Nurses who listen and ease patients through the dark tunnels of unknown health challenges, diseases and treatments. To the Educators who listen to the fears and uncertainties of students engaged in the difficult quest of new discovery. To Spouses and Significant Others who listen to their mates fears of the future. To Mothers and Fathers who listen to the many challenges of raising children through the ages of change. To Business Owners and Managers who listen to employees who face the uncertain challenges of competition and the unknown. To our Political Leaders who listen to the pain and anxiety of those they represent. To those, and others, we congratulate your commitment, your energy, your service, and your impact. You do indeed make a difference!

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WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Help to heal hurting hearts

Forward this newsletter to your children, grand children, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com

Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.

Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.

As meeting, conference, and convention attendees spend the bulk of their time listening, please let others know of our availability to Keynote Conventions and customize Listening Leader Workshops.

Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.

Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.

Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

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LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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