Listening Leaders Archived Edition

May 21, 2008

LISTENING LEADER LAZER LESSONS

THE POWER OF THE PAUSE

The following story from Dr. David Drake (www.narrativecoaching.com) points out how a pause can generate tremendous value.

It is the call the parent of a teenager dreads. The policeman phoned at 2:30 at the morning to tell this single mother that her daughter is at the police station. She had been picked up in the wake of a wild party. Relieved that her daughter was not hurt, the mother’s attention quickly turned to disappointment and anger. The two of them had been fighting for weeks and now the daughter had broken both the agreement with her mom and the curfew of the town.

The mother hurriedly gathered her things, stormed out of the house, cursing her daughter for the embarrassment this would cause the family when the news appeared in their small-town paper the next day. As she drove to the station, silently praying that none of her neighbors would see her, she vented loudly about what she planned to tell her daughter for “screwing up yet again.”

And then . . . she remembered a phrase from a coaching workshop series she was attending as a leader at work: Breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs… She stopped ranting long enough to pause. And hear herself talk . . . and wonder what had gone wrong. And pull over to the side of the road for a minute to settle her breathing. And shed tears as she recognized in that moment the pain she felt in her sense of separation from her daughter. And vow to herself to find a path to a breakthrough starting that night.

And so . . . after she signed the papers at the police station, she began the “long” drive home — with her daughter sitting sullenly in the back seat refusing to engage. In the awkward silence that ensued, the mother finally opened her mouth to speak. The daughter instantly geared up to protest, anticipating yet another big fight, but was stunned to hear her mother say, “It must be hard to be 16 these days. I would like to hear what it is like for you when you’re ready.” And from that pause, the deep listening began . . .

The mother went on to be one of the best coaches in our program for her federal agency, sparked in large part by her own experience that night. She learned that listening is not half of a transaction but rather the whole of an incubation. Rather than perpetuating the same old story with her daughter, she paused long enough to create the space for a different story to become possible. Somewhere within any breakdown are the seeds of a breakthrough waiting to be born. Is that not what coaching is all about?

LISTENING LEADER LAZER LESSON: One way to insert a powerful pause is simply to take a deep breath before responding. The payoff is huge!

LISTENING LEADERSHIP BEHAVIOR INVENTORY IS ACCESSIBLE. Do you know how others perceive how you listen? Find out by taking the Listening Leadership Behavior Inventory (LLBI). The LLBI is a 360 evaluation, web-based tool that is designed to assess how you perceive your own listening behaviors and also how others perceive how you listen. Listening Leadership® is the process of guiding yourself and others to positive results through the power of listening. The first half of your 22 page, individualized and comprehensive report will present information on your scores on each of the Ten Listening Leader Golden Rules. The second half of the report will present the comparison between your scores and your observer scores. The gap analysis of the 10 Golden Rules shows the difference in perception between your scores and your observers' scores. The fee for the LLBI is $55. To purchase the inventory and receive your 7 digit registration code, please go to www.ListeningLeaders.com

BECOME CERTIFIED TO TEACH LISTENING LEADERSHIP IN YOUR ORGANIZATION. You will become fully equipped to deliver a unique and proven Workshop that provides practical and measurable results. For certification details, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

Listening Leaders is a weekly e-mail newsletter for people who understand the value of Listening Leadership in their life.

It is brought to you by
the INTERNATIONAL LISTENING LEADERSHIP INSTITUTE
We welcome your comments, suggestions and questions.
Please e-mail: ClientServices@ListeningLeaders.com.

Also, please visit our website: www.ListeningLeaders.com

Join our Golden Circle of Listening Leaders who are spreading Listening Leadership attitude, skills and knowledge worldwide! Forward your copy to anyone you believe will benefit from reading The Listening Leaders!

COPYRIGHT AND REPRINTS
Reprint permission is granted when the following credit appears: "© International Listening Leadership Institute. Reprinted with permission from ‘“The Listening Leaders Newsletter,' a weekly Internet newsletter”. For your own personal subscription, go to www.ListeningLeaders.com"

PRIVACY STATEMENT
Your e-mail address is absolutely confidential. We will NEVER give, sell or share your address with anyone.

Subscribe Cancel Update

Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

[ListeningLeaders]