Listening Leaders Archived Edition

September 3, 2008

LISTENING LEADERS DIMINISH & DEFUSE DISCORD

Listening Leaders® diminish and defuse discord with the refined practice and skill of listening. Conflict and discord is a simple and pervasive costly fact of life. Unfortunately unresolved conflict and negative discord serves no one. No matter the arena: at work, at home, at social events; within businesses, schools, churches, or political groups; between individuals, small groups, or nations, divisive discord can be debilitating and costly to all.

Listening Leaders® understand and confront the double-edged dilemma in moments of disruptive conflict. First, no one listens well during moments of disruptive discord. Second, without listening carefully to the other party or parties during moments of discord, the discord will seldom be defused. Third, as debilitating discord remains, no productive communication is possible.

The first secret for success in resolving most conflicts resides in the courage to listen carefully to the other side. The second secret is to “withhold judgment until our comprehension is complete.” In moments of divisive discord, Listening Leaders® are challenged to test their “attitude of will.”

For as the Stoic philosopher Epictetus reminds us, “The essence of good and evil lies in an attitude of the will.” It is simple, “There are things which are within your power, and there are things beyond your power. Within your power are opinion, aim, desire, aversion; in a word, whatever affairs are your own. Beyond your power are body, property, reputation, office; in a word, affairs not properly your own. Concern yourself only with what is within your power.”

Thus, the challenge is clear. In moments of disruptive discord, the power to listen to the contradictory viewpoint of others lies within our power. Where are the divisive points of contention? Why do those with who we are in conflict believe what they believe? What are the missing components of understanding? What are the short-term and long-term costs of continued discord? Where are any existing points of agreement? What are the mutual benefits of resolving the conflict? What can we do to build on our agreements and resolve our disagreements? Who will lead the way?

Beyond our will, lies quick thinking. Quick thinking while listening becomes important in moments of defusing discord. In 1727, Voltaire arrived in England and found that feelings against the French ran high and that on the streets of London he was in grave peril. Conflict ran high. One day during a walk a crowd of angry citizens shouted, “Kill him! Hang the Frenchman!” Voltaire stopped, listened, faced the crowd, and responded: “Englishman! You want to kill me because I am a Frenchman! Am I not punished enough in not being an Englishman?” The crowd cheered wildly, and provided him safe conduct back to his dwelling.

Finally, productive Listening Leaders® in search of developing a practical philosophy that drives their listening practice of defusing disruptive discord will follow the ageless wisdom of Epictetus. He recommends that “the beginning of all philosophy requires: recognition of the conflicts between men, a search for their cause, a condemnation of mere opinion…and the discovery of a standard of judgment.” When we follow his direction, we will discover that, disruptive discord has a chance to be defused.

LISTENING LEADER® KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® defuse disruptive discord.

Of course, many believe that disagreement and conflict is simply central to the makeup of the human condition. Others believe that little can be done to reduce conflict and defuse discord. “Can’t” is their favorite word! Some simply respond by not listening. They tune-out and withdraw. Others become pugnacious and feisty in advancing their position and argument. Others revert to stubbornness and digging in their heels. Some just increase the volume of their argument. They live in the world of “Can’t and Won’t” .

Effective Listening Leaders® abide by the dictate of “Will and Can.” For as Edgar Guest wrote:

“Can’t is the worst word that’s written or spoken; Doing more harm here than slander and lies; On it is many a strong spirit broken, And with it many a good purpose dies. It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning, And robs us of courage we need through the day; It rings in our ears like a timely sent warning, And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can’t is the father of feeble endeavor, The parent of terror and halfhearted work; It weakens the efforts of artisans clever, And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk. It poisons the soul of the man with vision, It stifles in infancy many a plan; It greets honest toiling with open derision, And mocks at the hopes and dreams of a man.

Can’t is a word none should speak without blushing; To utter it should be a symbol of shame; Ambition and courage it daily is crushing; It blights a man’s purpose and shortens his aim. Despise it with all of your hatred of error; Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain; Arm against it as a creature of terror, And all that you dream of you someday shall gain.

Can’t is the word that is foe to ambition, An enemy ambushed to shatter your will; It’s prey is forever a man with a mission, And bow but to courage and patience and skill. Hate it, with hatred that’s deep and undying, For once it is welcomed ‘twill break any man; Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying, and answer this demon by saying: I Can!”

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Listen with an “I Can” action.

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

It is good that a philosopher should remind himself, now and then, that he is a particle pontificating on infinity ~ Will and Ariel Durant
A gift confers no rights ~ Nietzsche
Nothing is more terrible than activity without insight ~ Thomas Carlyle
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of being ~ Johann W. von Goethe
All looks yellow to a jaundiced eye ~ Alexander Pope
Learn to reason forward and backward on both sides of a question ~ Thomas Blandi
The no-mind not-thinks no thoughts about no things ~ Buddha
Listen or thy tongue will keep you deaf ~ American Indian proverb

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Discord knows no boundaries or nationalities as illustrated in the following giggle.

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint. Paddy, the officer, approached and told them in no uncertain terms:

“You cannot proceed for you are breaking the law. It is illegal to have five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four!”

With astonishment and disbelief, the Englishman responded, “Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers. This car is designed to carry five people.”

Paddy indignantly replied, “You can’t pull that on me. Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and are breaking our law. You cannot proceed.”

The Englishman replied with obvious anger, “You idiot! Call your supervisor over so I can speak to someone with some intelligence.”

“Sorry,” answered Paddy, “Murphy is busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno.”

Obviously some discord is only worth a laugh.

LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS

Kudos to Golden Circle Listening Leaders® throughout the land that have the will and “can do” skills to defuse divisive discord at every turn. They look all discord square in the eye and understand the negative impact it has on diminishing productive and profitable listening in every arena. Equally important, they step to the plate and practice effective listening in numerous ways. Congratulations for your gift of focused and non-judgmental listening ways. For you are the Captains of Society that make a difference in everyone’s lives.

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WE ARE LISTENING and invite your action

Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Defuse Discord.

Forward this newsletter to your children, grand children, friends and colleagues. More important, invite them to Subscribe to the “complimentary and weekly” newsletter by going to www.listeningleaders.com

Send us your listening leader insights, examples and stories.

Start a Listening Leaders Reading and Discussion Group. Invite your Librarian to purchase our Award winning LISTENING LEADER book.

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Invite us to identify specific needs for listening development of leaders in your organizations.

Ask about our proven listening leader training programs and our customized in-house train-the-trainer strategies and our Certification program.

We can help, we are committed, and we are listening.

Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

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LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

ORDER YOUR COPY at www.ListeningLeaders.com or www.amazon.com

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Dr. Lyman K. (Manny) Steil
25 Robb Farm Road
St. Paul, MN 55127
651-483-3597
LKS@ListeningLeaders.com

Dr. Richard K. (Rick) Bommelje
8530 Amber Oak Dr
Orlando, FL 32817
407-679-7280
RKB@ListeningLeaders.com

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