Listening Leaders Archived Edition

February 4, 2009

LISTENING LEADERS CASTIGATE CURSERS

Listening Leaders® cleanse cursing and castigate cursers and the reason is simple. Words hold power and profanity generally demeans communication. Words have a tendency to either lift ideas and people up or drive them down. Simply put, uttered words either have redeeming value or they don’t. Language is simple in the sense that it is positive or negative, effective or ineffective, meaningful or not. Throughout history, effective Listening Leaders® have come to the powerful conclusion that the eventual power for civility resides in desirable individual actions. As speakers of all ages have persistently become more profane across the land, pro-active listeners need to stand up, cleanse cursing and castigate the cursers. Thoughtful leaders need to ask three basic questions. First, “ Are we living in a historical period of increased profanity?” Second, “As a listener, do I support and enable it?” Third, “What can I do to diminish profanity in my circle of influence?”

In a revealing Associated Press / Ipsos Poll of 1,001 adults, 74 percent of the respondents reported they frequently encounter profanity in public. Sixty-six percent believe people swear more today than they did 20 years ago. As some may expect, age and gender come into play when and where profanity is involved. According to the AP / Ipsos Poll, younger people report they encounter, use, and tolerate profanity much more than their older counter-parts. Sixty-two percent of those aged 18 to 34 reported their habitual use of profanity compared to 39 percent of the 35 and older group. Divided by gender, 54 percent of men reported they swear at least a few times every week, compared to 39 percent of the responding women. In addition, 75 percent of the responding women compared to 60 percent of the men, reported they are bothered as they hear more profanity today than 20 years ago.

For Listening Leaders® pictures link the present to the past and provide a string of continuity upon which the pearls of life can be connected. Precious pictures provide the opportunity for capturing the full range of all listeners’ memories, both good and bad. Pictures capture a moment in time that is irretrievably lost, yet timeless, unchanging, and thus, never lost. In this experience, listener’s can enjoy the special emotional appeal of the past and provide fuel for the present and future. Or, as John M. Barrie reminds everyone, “God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.”

Cursing, swearing, and profanity seem to have few boundaries. Listen to your fellow co-workers, attend a sporting event, turn on your television, stop into your neighborhood watering hole and listen quietly while you quench your thirst, listen to any random group of school kids on the playground. Listen to politicians talk when they don’t realize they are being recorded. Listen to your peers and yourself. Profanity abounds in every corner and seems to grow with little thought or restraint. For some, it is just thoughtless, habitual, and lazy talk. Eliminate profanity from some individual’s vocabulary and they have difficulty talking. Yet, no thinking listener will choose to have his or her ears and minds filled with constant cursing.

The problem is great and growing, but not yet inevitable. However, as Judith Martin, who writes the syndicated Miss Manners column, observed, “The problem is that the people who are offended aren’t speaking up about it. Everybody is pretending they aren’t shocked and gradually people won’t be shocked.” Some even joke about the profanity uttered in their midst. Recently, President Obama poked fun at his chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, in front of Washington’s elite at the Alfalfa Club black-tie dinner, when he said: “…it was actually Rahm’s idea to do the swearing-in-ceremony again. Of course, for Rahm, every day is a swearing-in-ceremony.” Reportedly, everyone laughed and the behavior will likely continue in our “people’s house”. Bottom line, accepting and inactive listeners simply become inured and language takes another spiral downward.

However, Golden Circle Listening Leaders® endeavor to turn the tide. When we interviewed Millard Fuller, the founder of Habitat for Humanity, for our award winning book, “Listening Leaders: The Ten Golden Rules to Listen, Lead & Succeed”, he shared a simple but powerful thought. Millard Fuller asked, “Did you ever stop to think that you hear everything you say? Every thoughtful word, every dirty joke, every hateful utterance, every tender word of love that has come out of your mouth has been heard by your ears and registered in your brain.”

Reflecting upon his young days as a lawyer in Montgomery Alabama, Fuller realized that “My business and law partner and I had gotten into the habit of using a lot of profanity. Over time we literally saturated our speech with curse words. We could hardly say ‘Good Morning’ without an oath. After a while, the cursing became oppressive. A heaviness hung in the air. My partner and I decided that this practice had to cease. We held each other accountable and, within a few weeks, we were talking without the onerous curse words. I’ve never fallen into that habit again. Remember, that you hear everything you say and are influenced by it. You also influence those around you as well.”

In sum, Listening Leaders® actively castigate cursers by taking four important action steps. First and foremost, they measure their own habitual use of profanity. Second, they evaluate the negative impact on others. Third, they observe the profane practices and adverse impact of and on others. Fourth, they craft and implement an action plan to reduce and eradicate cursing in their community.

For all serious listeners, the end result is elevated communication. Offending language is reduced, powerful vocabularies are advanced, and intelligent conversations will expand.

LISTENING LEADER® KNOWLEDGE NUGGET: Listening Leaders® Chastise and Cleanse Cursing.

When it comes to thinking about the practice of profanity in our society, listeners should find three points of view interesting and worth of study and reflection. First, constitutional law scholars often point to Cohen v. California, 403 U. S. 15 (1971), to be one of the most important Supreme Court decisions on free speech. At its heart, the case focuses on the relationship between profanity and free speech.

Second, in the “The Stuff of Thought” renowned linguist Steven Pinker, the Johnstone Family Professor of Psychology at Harvard University, distills profanity into five categories of: “Dysphemistic swearing; Abusive swearing; Idiomatic swearing; Emphatic swearing; and Cathartic swearing.” In the process, Pinker explains how our mind’s work in a completely new style, by examining the way we use language. As a result, listeners will be challenged to think about linguistic complexities.

Third, 15 year old McKay Hatch started the “No Cussing Club” at his junior high school in Pasadena, California in 2007. Tired of the prevalence of dirty language in his school, McKay simply challenged his friends to stop swearing. His friends accepted his No Cussing Challenge and within a month 50 young kids had created a “No Cussing Club.” Although belittled and attacked by many, McKay Hatch’s simple idea has spread to hundreds of schools, and more than 30,000 people around the world have accepted the “No Cussing Challenge.” Their challenge is simple: “I won’t cuss, swear, use bad language, or tell dirty jokes. Clean language is a sign of intelligence and always demands respect. I will use my language to uplift, encourage and motivate. I will leave people better than I found them!” As a high school sophomore, Hatch repeatedly makes it clear that his goal is not to outlaw cursing, but rather to encourage people to simply kick the habit. Repeating the belief that, “Your words become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your behavior. Your behavior becomes your character. Your character becomes your destiny.” McKay Hatch is finding and creating productive action-oriented listeners.

What were you doing when you were 15?

LISTENING LEADER TIP OF THE WEEK: Take the “No Cussing Challenge.”

GOLDEN CIRCLE LISTENING LEADERS QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

When it comes down to pure ornamental cursing, the Native American is gifted above the sons of man ~ Mark Twain
Blasphemy is merely the comic verse of belief ~ Brendan Behan
The nature of men is always the same; it is their habits that separate them ~ Confucius
When I hear anyone talk of culture, I reach for my revolver ~ Hermann Goering
Cleanliness is indeed next to godliness ~ John Wesley
As he knew not what to say, he swore ~ Byron
Cursing, swearing, reviling, and the like do not signify as speech but as the actions of a tongue accustomed ~ Hobbes

A LISTENING LEADER GIGGLE:

Paul is a guy who swears a lot. He is an educated fellow, has a respectable job, has a lovely wife, and two beautiful children. He belongs to some upscale clubs and is active in his church. He seems to be attuned to what is going on in the world. Most who know him view him as a person who is successful and has his stuff together. Yet he swears excessively. When asked why, Paul said he only swears when he is angry and that a lot of things make him angry. Following are just a few of the numerous items (with expletives deleted) that Paul says make him angry.

Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes and candy up front.

Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America do banks leave their doors open and chain their pens to the counters.

Only in America do they sell hot dogs in packages of ten and the buns in packages of eight.

Only in America do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

Only in America do people park their cars in the driveway and put their useless junk in the garage.

When I laughed at the strange things that seemed to upset Paul, he just swore at me and hung up.

LISTENING LEADERS KUDOS

Kudos to Frank Crane who wrote a “Boy Wanted Ad” in the early part of the 20th Century. His ad simply sought a “Wanted Boy”

“A boy that stands straight, sits straight, acts straight, and talks straight;

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

A boy that moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible; A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought to keep still; A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks; A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl; A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang; A boy that never bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him; A boy who, when he does not know a thing, says, “I’m sorry,” and when asked to do a thing says, “I’ll try; A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time; A boy who is eager to read good books; A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than to gamble for pennies in a back room;

A boy who does not want to be “smart” nor in any way to attract attention; A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than to tell a lie or be a cad; A boy whom other boys like; A boy who is at ease in the company of girls; A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about himself;

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else; A boy who makes you feel good when he is around; A boy who is not goody-goody, a prig, or a little Pharisee, but just healthy, happy, and full of life. This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.” Unfortunately, Crane did not post a “Girl Wanted” list for the same period.

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Together, we can change the listening attitudes, skills, and knowledge of leaders throughout the world. We appreciate and invite your assistance in expanding our listening leader’s connections. Eight simple steps in advancing this important movement include:

Reduce and eliminate profanity.

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Listen, Lead On & Make Today Count! – Manny & Rick

__________________________________________________________________

LISTENING LEADERS: THE TEN GOLDEN RULES
TO LISTEN, LEAD & SUCCEED

By Dr. Lyman K. Steil
& Dr. Richard K. Bommelje

Publisher: Beaver’s Pond Press
(ISBN 1-59298-073-2)

A pioneering book that directly connects listening with leadership.Based on more than 50 collective years of work with listening leaders throughout the world, Dr. Steil and Dr. Bommelje have created 10 practical, proven, and priceless rules to enhance everyone's listening and leadership success. Although outstanding leaders are outstanding listeners, most leaders have neglected the development of their listening attitudes, skills and knowledge.

“This is the most significant book ever written on listening and leadership and will profit leaders at all levels in all types of organizations and enterprises.” Dr. Ralph Nichols, Father of the Field of Listening

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