People with similar interests and relating styles are
attracted to one another and will eventually bond together. Frequently
those bonds will be closer than a traditional family. This is community. Your community
will tend to shape you more than your original family unit.
A couple of weeks ago, I lost my mother to a long and
tough battle with cancer. In the process of being with all of the
gathered friends and relatives at her
funeral, it was the overall community that struck me the most. My mother had many
loyal friends in her life. When we arrived to the catered lunch for all of the family members,
we were greeted by six of my mother's closest friends wearing
aprons. They wanted to serve the lunch as a tribute to her.
The funeral was handled with the utmost care by a funeral
director and his wife who were good friends of mine in high school.
Their parents were dear friends of my parents. In addition, friends of
mine from my present community sent flowers and cards and called just to
offer assistance. I felt surrounded with love and honored all the same
time.
This sense of community and the importance of how it has
shaped and supported my life became abundantly clear in that recent experience.
Next to my faith and family, there is nothing of greater value in the world. Not a
perfectly designed home, not a prestigious car, not the "right" vacation
to brag about. And especially not trying to be younger than I am.
These relationships have been built over many years and that is a
special privilege of growing more mature. Best of all, I find myself
wanting to give back to all of those kind people, not because I have to
but because I want to.
Who is your community? It can include immediate family,
friends, co-workers, neighbors, and people with whom you volunteer. The
key about having a strong community is that it works best when chosen -
people you are with because you want to be, not because you have been
thrown together by some other circumstance.
Ideally, your community or support network will bring out
the best in you. You come from a healthy place of having your own
needs met. Now you can exchange positive emotional and spiritual support
regularly and effortlessly. Nothing
worth doing is worth doing alone, and the community you select will
cause results in your life that you simply could not achieve on your
own.
The late Thomas Leonard, a prominent life coach and
creator of many of the coach training materials used today, gave these
tips for looking at your community1:
Ask Yourself...
-
Who is in my community of choice that I just hadn't seen
as such until now?
-
Am I currently attractive to the type of community I wish
to be in?
-
Do I even want to be part of a special, chosen community?
It may take a while to discover, attract or create your
community of choice. As you get to know yourself better and become
engaged in what truly appeals to you, you will draw closer to this
community. You will upgrade your community of choice many times, and
this is fine. Enjoy the people along the way as you keep refining and
developing it.
Remember, having a chosen community makes you more
well-rounded and well-connected. It can even be a reserve in case of
trouble, as I experienced a few weeks ago. And your community will not
only expand your personal and professional opportunities, it will move
you in new, rewarding directions.
For a checklist you can use to evaluate and/or upgrade
your community right now, see the column at left.
If you would like to talk more about developing a
community that supports and enriches your life, I invite you to
contact me for a complimentary coaching consultation.
Warmest Regards,
Gwen