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In December, our minds are often filled with holiday plans and family reunions. But December also brings the tax year to a close, so it is also a season of review, what our British friends call "sorting out," a time to contemplate the future as we anticipate its arrival a few weeks hence. If we're so inclined, New Year's resolutions start to bob above the surface of our consciousness, the flotsam of desires and dreams. Next year, we'll get our weight under control, study a new language, find the person/job/home of our dreams. The funny thing about resolutions is that, like rules, they are made to be broken (or forgotten, sometimes as soon as January 16!) Have you noticed that resolutions, in the language of politics and diplomacy, stand for desired goals that have little chance of becoming real in the near future: peace in the Middle East, excellent schools for every child, affordable healthcare. They give resolution, which according to Webster's means "firm determination; a solving, as of a problem," a bad name. Does that mean that resolutions have no place in our lives? Hardly. The trick is in converting our resolutions, New Year's or otherwise, into concrete steps toward achievable goals. Most of what is written in the self-help genre is dedicated to getting procrastinators (and who isn't, at one time or another) off the dime. Forgive our bias, but we believe that personal coaching is one of the most effective, painless ways to put resolve back into resolution. Here is a brief primer on personal coaching, a relatively new profession founded in the 1980s by Thomas Leonard, who had already built a solid career providing financial advice to executives. Coaches like Cheryl Richardson and Dr. Phil McGraw, Oprah favorites, and articles in high profile publications like Fortune have helped put the profession on the map. Like a personal trainer (another leading edge profession) who helps you achieve optimum physical fitness, a personal coach focuses on your life goals: careers, relationships, money, and creativity, among others. The bottom line is, you are hiring someone to whom you become accountable for actions you decide are the right ones for you. Sometimes confused with therapy, personal coaching differs in that it does not focus on healing trauma from the past, but on helping clients create the kind of life they want, starting now. So coaching can complement (or follow) a therapeutic relationship, but isn't intended to substitute for it. In fact, many therapists are taking coach training to expand their practices. Personal coaching can be of value at any stage of life, but is a particularly rich and rewarding process for mature people moving through normal life transitions, e.g. from fulltime to part time work or volunteering; from head of household to empty nester; from life long employee to business owner, and so on. Most coaching takes place on the phone, with the client and coach developing assignments from week to week. This keeps the client on track. Coaches are trained to use proven techniques that provide clarity on goals, roadblocks and motivation to take action. Most coaches will insist on a minimum commitment to the process of three months and many clients are able to accomplish an important goal within this time. Coaching is affordable and may qualify as a tax deductible as a business expense (check with your accountant). Executives do it...entrepreneurs do it...even budding actors and soccer moms do it. Coaching works for just about anyone who is ready to make moves to create the life they want. And now, this commercial (well, sort of) message. You can explore coaching for yourself in these ways: 1. take Howard up on his current offer of a free 30-minute trial session on converting resolutions into goals for 2003, or ask for his Seven Steps to Setting Better Goals, howard@2young2retire.com, and/or 2. visit the source: Thomas Leonard's site, www.coachville.com, where you can find out more about coaching and/or select a coach from the 4,000+ profiles listed there, www.coachvillereferral.com. (AOL users, copy/paste all URLs into your browser window, please.) New on 2young2retire.com: Late blooming activist, Linda Dietrich's inspiring story, www.2young2retire.com/lindadietrich.htm and Men's Health columnist Herbert M. Goldberg's latest, "Attitude Matters!" www.2young2retire.com/columnists.htm.
BOOK SITE Talking connects us with each other in a variety of ways, many of them superficial and risk-free. Most of us are comfortable addressing strangers on neutral topics like the weather, sports or the latest film. "Not talking" to someone is an expression of a failed relationship. Small talk as a kind of social lubricant certainly has its place, but real conversation about subjects that matter to us as individuals is essential to our very survival, personal and planetary. That is the premise and stated objective of Margaret Wheatley's new book, Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future (Bennet-Koehler, 2002): "The intent of this book is to encourage and support you to begin conversations about things that are important to you and those near you. It has no other purpose." Conversation is, in Wheatley's view, the best and possibly the ONLY way we can connect as human beings, because when we really listen to and understand one another, we can begin to change not only ourselves, but also our communities and ultimately the world. In a series of moving essays, quotes and poems, often drawing from other humanitarians like Paolo Friere and Nelson Mandela, the author offers 10 questions that can evoke genuine conversation, for example, "When have I experienced working for the common good?" and "When have I experienced good listening?" This is Big Talk, indeed, something not so easily found in our day to day lives, despite the popularity of the talk show format on radio and network television. Turning to One Another is an important addition to the salon and conversation cafe movement that is flourishing in places like Oregon and Washington, see www.conversationcafe.org. It isn't, nor is it intended to be, a "how to." Quite the contrary, Wheatley respects the power of this form of human interaction as an agent for positive change. It is timely and essential reading. See also Margaret Wheatley's website: http://www.fromthefourdirections.org/tpl/t_home.tpl.
Our new book, 2young2retire: An Off-the-Road Map to the Rest of Your Life, will be available through 2young2retire.com and book outlets in February 2003. It will also be sold in e-book format, downloadable from the website. We will give a reading and sign copies in March at the 92nd Street Y Annex in New York City.
MEDIA WATCH * 2young2retire.com was mentioned in the December AARP Bulletin and our daily visitor rate and subscriptions soared. Welcome to our new subscribers and visitors. Let us hear from you. Email: howard@2young2retire.com. * Kudos to Ben Cohen, co-founder, Ben and Jerry's, for his latest brainchild: True Majority, a grassroots education and advocacy project of Priorities, Inc., a non-profit, non-partisan organization that makes it easier to sound off on issues that matter to you. Once you register (www.truemajority.org), you can go to the "Take Action" section and launch a salvo of faxes to members of Congress and national leaders. You can also edit the suggested fax or write one of your own, and you are free not to participate on any issue (or remove your name from the list) at any time. A tax-deductible 501(c)(3) corporation. * In a similar vein, MoveOn.org is committed to helping its members be effective, informed citizens, and to broadening participation to counter the influence of monied interests and partisan extremes. MoveOn.org offers members a way to work together to be heard. The website, begun by Silicon Valley entrepreneurs Wes Boyd and Joan Blades, has inspired 500,000 Americans to lobby Congress. For more information: http://www.moveon.org/faq.html * Your spirits need a lift? Check out this gift from Ralph Marston, workshop leader and motivational speaker: www.llangley.com/yoga/wisdom/rightnow[2].htm. The URL for Marston's main site is http://greatday.com/motivate/index.html. Our thanks to Blake Ferris, for bringing this to our attention. (AOL users, copy/paste these URLs into your browser window.)
POTPOURRI
* Our friends at Her Mentor Center, Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D., Rosemary Lichtman, Pd.D., and Adina Parizky, Ph.D., have a new survey on midlife women in transition. To access the short questionnaire on the site, go to www.hermentorcenter.com and click on "About You" on the menu. Join your voice to those other women and help create a resource of information that can benefit us all. * Boomers (and their parents) are making housing decisions for their later years that will deal a huge blow to the expectations of assisted living and nursing home developers. According to a new study from AARP: "Consistently we find that 85 percent of respondents say they don't want to ever move; they want to stay right where they are."
* Microwave enthusiasts, take note of this health alert from Edward Fujimoto, M.D. of Castle Hospital, Huntsville, Alabama, about using plastic containers for heating foods containing fat. Fujimoto says that the combination of fat, high heat and plastics releases dioxins into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Dioxins are carcinogens and highly toxic to the cells of our bodies. Instead, he recommends using glass, Corning Ware, or ceramic containers for heating food and a paper towel to cover if necessary. You get the same results without the dioxins. * You 60-somethings, John Copelton, a postgraduate student at Queen's University of Belfast, needs your input for research he's doing into the active lifestyles of people over 60. Please visit the site at http://www.qub.ac.uk/co/activeover60.htm and give him a hand. * Rhonda Abrams' newsletter is loaded with tips and smart advice for entrepreneurs or would-be entrepreneurs. Free subscriptions available at www.rhondaonline.com. * Brain cells are like muscles: they need regular exercise. Word games do the job. Crossword lovers, check this one out: http://oneacross.com/. While you're at it break out the Scrabble or its modern twin, Boggle, and give your mind a work out. Try inventing new 'knock-knock' jokes or riddles with your grandchildren. * Generativity, n. 1. an adult's concern for and commitment to the well-being of future generations. In other words, creativity that lasts. Here's a way to express yours: click this link to send a free letter to your governor demanding a good teacher in every classroom. http://www.care2.com/go/z/3664. * Congratulations to Beth Allen of Create My Gift for her mention in http://www.cataloguemom.com/momproducts/createmygift.html. Read Beth's story in www.2young2retire.com/bethallen.htm * Subscribers write: "I am a retired doctor who served the Indian railways for years. When I was retiring I felt as if a part of me was being taken away from me...What will I do? How will I live? No resources in hand...One part of my heart said .Now is the time to relax and make the best of my life. I started investing in a house. I spent all my time planning and designing my new house. Then one day one poor laborer came to me and showed me his injured hand. I bandaged his hand and gave him some medicine. He was very thankful to me...and frankly, for the first time in my life I felt very relaxed and satisfied. Now I had some thing to do. I need to make the proper use of my skills. I started treating poor laborers and other people who could not afford the expensive medicines and treatments...I didn't charge them anything. Some brought me tasty dishes and desserts, one poor lady knitted a sweater for me. I feel very elated and satisfied. Now I know I am too young to retire. :-)
Dr.V.K.Gupta Read the 10 Ways and found: Spark to write down preliminary plan for reinventing retirement - With timing. I have reflected on the positive accomplishments since my 1/02 graduation from Ford Motor Company.
Thanks, Dave D. I retired about 2 months ago at age 62. It's great fun to sleep in on days that DON'T start with "S," but I'm beginning to feel that mall walking, playing bridge and taking yoga classes will not suffice for long. With children grown and a low maintenance husband (who probably not retire for another 2 or 3 years) I am beginning to look for "purpose." The fiscal side of my life is not a concern, but I'm beginning to miss the satisfaction of "making a contribution and/or a difference" that came with my former occupation. I feel no pull to another career, but hope that your website will give me ideas on how to use the knowledge and skills gained over the 35 years of my career.
Diane S.
We sign off with these words from a warrior. "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron." Dwight David Eisenhower, 1953. Marika and Howard
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