RESOLUTIONARY THINKING A Message of Thought Leadership STEWART LEVINE, Esq., RESOLUTIONARY SUBSCRIBE TO "RESOLUTIONARY THINKING" at Perhaps the greatest challenge, once fully awake, is to drop all reaching and simply open like a clam waiting in the deep until life in all its guises floods through the half-closed center that is us. Then God enters us like a brilliant stone falling in a lake, and the past ripples behind us, and the future ripples before us, and we are breathing in eternity. Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening ***** Of course, there will always be times that we need to find our very precise way. But more often than not, our image of a destination is only a starting point that we cling to needlessly. When we can free up our sense of needing to arrive at a certain place, we lessen the weight of being lost. And once beneath arriving and our fear of failing to arrive, the real journey begins. Mark Nepo's brilliance shines in these two quotes from his daybook. Both are about expansion, about "letting go" in a way that reflects the key to resolving anything. It's like yoga, getting more Stewart ****************************************************************** IF WE DO NOT ACT NOW WE MAY LOSE THE MOMENT. I'm informed by: > Cindy Sheehan's vigil asking the question "What noble cause did my son die for?" > My ninety year old friend telling me that we are on the same precipice that has repeatedly destroyed powerful civilizations in the past...and that we need a strong leader with a vision of what's possible to energize the population > The oil "crisis" we may be in and the potential that holds > The slippery slope of losing our biodiversity > The report that we have passed the tipping point in terms of the effect of "green-house" gasses and the irreversible damage to permafrost that will cause increased methane production which will escalate the warming cycle > Recalling the Lebanese cab driver in San Francisco who told me that peace will come in the middle east when the politicians get out of the way and let people live > Proliferation of nuclear capacity. > Something has told me for a long time that we have the capacity for creative, artistic, transformative lives if everyone embraces that we have a distribution challenge, not a resource > The only way to win the WAR ON TERROR is to stop terrorizing others and to start creating hope for a resigned, desperate people. This was echoed and is about to be published in "Military Journal" by some senior army officers in Iraq. > It's time to wake up to the reality that although it takes two to create a war, it only takes one to move toward peace > When I began resolving conflict my thesis was that people were > The next (I believe ESSENTIAL) step of human evolution is conquering inner space, letting go of all the right / wrong; win/lose; fault / blame thinking....It's time to live out what makes us human - compassion and self-reflection. Einstein said that the thinking patterns that got us into a problem will not get us out of it. I think it's time to shift our thinking! Our culture is largely based on the false dichotomy of an adversarial model. WIN / LOSE This thinking is part of the origin of the culture of high stakes litigation that translates to winning at any cost. I think it's time to examine the foundational principle and determine with "fresh eyes" weather the adversary system is as sound in 2005 as it was in 1775. Certainly a great deal has changed: technology, materialism, globalism, educational levels, and the volume and kind of transactions. I'm not saying we must do away with litigation and adversarial process - as a last resort compulsory process is essential to bring bad actors to the table. Knowing it's there is a deterrent in itself. But I do believe it's time to relegate "adversarial think" to a place of last resort, a place you go to when resolutionary thinking has failed. Unfortunately, it seems the "bleed" of attitude from a litigation head gets in the way of reasonable problem solving and rewarding relationships. My Story During my second year of law school I had my first "lawyer's" job. I was an intern at a legal services clinic in Camden, New Jersey. On my first day I was given twenty-five cases "to work on." This would be my "job" for the semester. Three weeks later I asked the managing attorney for more cases. When he asked about the twenty-five I told him I resolved them. He was very surprised. He asked how I did it. I told him I reviewed the files from a perspective of fairness to everyone, spoke to my clients and called the attorney or agency on the other side, and reached a satisfactory resolution when they said yes to my proposal. I knew nothing about being a lawyer! I had no idea whether the cases were difficult, needed to take a long time or had to be handled in any particular way. With a "beginner's mind," I found the solution that worked best for all concerned. Simple? It was for me! I spent the next 12 years becoming a "successful" lawyer--and becoming less effective at resolving matters, and more unhappy with who I was becoming. My mindset was spilling over into my failing marriage, and my failing relationships with my partners. Feeling frustrated, anxious and fearful, I stopped practicing law. I spent the next 15 years unlearning--recovering what I knew about resolution when I started, discovering its component parts and learning how to teach and model it for others. While on that learning path I reflected about how the most effective judges and lawyers understand people's real concerns. They know what to honor and what to respect. They know how to frame situations and condition people's expectations. They embody a tradition that accommodates competing concerns and builds understanding. Winning or losing is not the point of their work. Their game is resolution, and getting people back to their lives. They are "resolutionary thinkers." Ten Principles of the Attitude of Resolution The 10 principles that follow reflect the values that make up the attitude of resolution. This attitude is the place of beginning, a critical first step. It is not enough to mechanically go through the motions of any conflict resolution process, without first cultivating an attitude of resolution. It will take time to change the way we think. The beliefs and patterns you have about differences and conflict took a long time to develop. They are embedded deeply and operate in unconscious ways. It will require reflection, intention and repetition to change our thinking habits about collaboration and conflict. Faith and trust in yourself and others is called for. You can accomplish it. This message is a foundational step. The aim is that through practice and repetition, just like you developed an adversarial mind, you can develop and cultivate a resolutionary mind. Here are the principles: ABUNDANCE: One of the primary contributors to adversity is the belief that "if you get yours, then there won't be enough for me." This is a scarcity mentality. But the most powerful negotiating tactic is to find out what the other side wants and figure out how they can have it. The likelihood is that they will try to do the same for you. In most situations there is enough for everyone to get what they need. Rather than fighting about dividing a small pie, we need to use our creativity to focus on how to make the pie bigger. EFFICIENCY: We spend a great deal of time and process wasting resources. Often the patient dies during the operation--the business is ruined or the assets are consumed during the battle. How many times have you seen a marital home, the only asset of a marriage, consumed by the process, or the cost of litigation exceed the amount at stake? We need to be concerned early on about using resources efficiently, not wasting them. CREATIVITY: We are conditioned to focus on issues and problems. We spend a good part of our thinking time focused on what can go wrong. We think in terms of problems and issues. We look for them in every situation instead of focusing our brainpower on the potential creative solutions that will take care of the needs and concerns of all involved. We could use creative thinking to figure out how everyone can get what they need. FOSTERING RESOLUTIION: A key to becoming a resolutionary is becoming a quick study in process design. A traditional adversarial process often makes the conflict worse. The time it takes and the standard of cutting off communication are not very helpful. We demonize the other side and as the battle escalates, they become the enemy. The systems are systems of "confliction," like pouring gasoline on an already-burning fire. A resolutionary looks at the situation, and from the perspective of standing in the other's shoes, tries to design the best process--a process that will get to resolution quickly without making things worse. Bottom line outcomes are more important than following the steps prescribed by some traditional process. OPENNESS: This is not about opening your chest cavity, bearing your soul and putting your heart on your sleeve. It's about telling the truth you believe in the situation, and listening to what others say is their truth. Posturing wastes resources. The sooner people have the opportunity to share their side of a situation directly, the sooner resolution can happen. Hiding behind procedures, rules or the right way to do things does not help the catharsis and disclosure needed to resolve a situation. Authenticity is the key. LONG-TERM COLLABORATIONS: The resolutionary uses a context of fostering relationship. This is the basis of all productivity and satisfaction. Even when relationships are broken down, it is possible to see the situation as temporary. The worst conflicts are among people with the deepest relationships. A resolutionary sees relationships as long term. That is a perspective that fosters continuity. When you consider the cost of putting in place new personal or professional relationships, it is obvious that preservation is an important value. FEELINGS & INTUITION: Our conditioning is that our primary means of analysis is logic. Resolutionaries understand that problems are usually more about life situations and transitions that people experience. In guiding to satisfactory results, we must go beyond logic and include the human and emotional aspects that impact our personal and professional lives. Our internalized experience over time also will allow us to trust our own instincts and intuition. Given that the transitions and major life transactions we go through are based on personal relationships, we can trust and use the personal assessments on which we base our advice. DISCLOSING INFORMATION: Traditionally, we often withhold information. We divulge only what we have to, or what the rules require. We come from the premise that information is king, and the less "you" know the better off "I" am. Anything less than full disclosure creates mistrust and sets up a dynamic that does not contribute to resolution. Resolutionaries encourage communication and disclosure. They realize that the resources consumed in holding on are not worth the cost of trust and getting to the bottom of things. LEARNING Resolutionary's understand that their goal is not to win at all cost, but to share information and discover the concerns on the other side. They hold the conflict resolution process as a learning exercise. Everyone teaches everyone else their perspective and what's behind it. When everyone shares this way, the potential for a creative result--a result beyond expectation--becomes possible. As a law student, this is what I thought litigation was about--getting the best result through shared information. RESPONSEABILITY: To be a resolutionary is to see the occurrence in a larger context. Resolutionary's try to foster the development of others. They realize there is a great cultural tendency for people not to do the work of taking responsibility for resolving their own situations and to look for another person to take care of "it" for them. Resolutionary's understand that people learn in adverse situations and they coach their others to be responsible. It's easy to exemplify noble character when times are good. This gift gives people the experience of participating in resolving their own conflict, and in the process discovering and experiencing their own broader character.
Who has what concerns? What is each person's reality about the situation? (They stand in everyone's shoes so they can treat everyone fairly.) How quickly must action be taken? What is the measurable loss and continuing cost and risk of nonresolution? (They are sensitive to wasting resources.) Who is needed for effective resolution? (They want all essential parties to participate.) How do we get everyone to the table with the right attitude? Who needs an attitude adjustment, and what's the best way to do it? (They realize getting people to the table is more than half the work.) What constraints or environmental conditions exist? (They need to know the context in which the conflict is taking place.) Are there laws, regulations, principles, customs, agreements or other standards for the situation? (They look for objective metrics as a basis for evaluation.) What future relationships are essential? Who will continue together? (They are thinking of the long term.) What is acute and needs immediate attention? (They are concerned with others' resources and damage control.) What's the best action plan? Who will do what, by when? (They understand that the best way to get to a place is to set a goal; in the process you become collaborators and teammates.) These steps allow you to be an advocate without being an adversary. When you probe and listen to the underlying concerns of the other side, accommodation and satisfaction for everyone is possible. Solutions can be invented to accommodate the interests of all sides. Sometimes, strong advocacy for each side is the best way to understand all parameters of a situation. You must know the difference between advocating strongly and being adversarial. Many people operating today ignore the difference. Remember that effective resolution comes from relationships created from an honorable attitude. Unfortunately, over the past few years "Rambo" tactics have become commonplace. We all would be well advised to read the best-seller "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." The core competency of the resolutionary is the ability to lead people to a new vision that returns them to the real business of their lives, without the ongoing internal chatter of continuing conflict. The job of the resolutionary is to lead people to resume collaboration and cooperation. The solutions of the resolutionary reestablish the working relationships that are essential for business, family or government activity. They provide options that contribute to the present and future quality of our lives. What a Resolutionary Embodies I believe Resolutionarys have the following qualities and abilities. If you aspire to being a "resolutionary", it's time to start cultivating these qualities. COLLABORATION --They treat everyone respectfully and are always open to learning. sense--They make the complex simple. CONFIDENCE--They know the value they contribute; they act on their assessments. CREATIVITY and INNOVATION --They design what they need to get the job done. EMPATHY -They have compassion; they honor and legitimize everyone's concerns. FAIRNESS--They understand that tomorrow is another day; winning is not everything. FAITH and TRUST --They know the situation will be resolved. OPENNESS--They create trust and the presence for people to open up into. GETTING to the CORE--They have an uncanny ability to see the core of the conflict. HONESTY and INTEGRITY--This generates trust in everyone; they walk their talk. INTELLIGENCE -They are smart and aware of what's really going on. JUDGEMENT --They have experience and a sixth sense of what will work. LIFE EXPERIENCE--They have high mileage (bald, gray or possessing an old soul). LISTENING SKILLS--They listen with their entire presence and hear what is / not said OUTCOME ORIENTED--They know process is integral to resolution. OPEN MINDED -They are not committed to a particular resolution. PRACTICALITY --They try whatever works. CARING --They know it's always a relationship problem. TOLERANCE for CONFLICT--They remain centered, grounded and fair in the storm. Conclusion Three "giant" thinkers of the past decade have all written new books. Stephen Covey in "The Eighth Habit" motivates to "find you own voice;" Peter Senge writes of "Presence" and Deepak Chopra says that "Peace is the Way." They are all saying that the answers are all inside; that it's about adopting a new way of being and thinking. Your automatic reaction may be that the adversarial model is how we operate, and to suggest otherwise would undermine our entire system. I suggest you've been watching too much media which unfortunately has little real dialogue left. I believe we're all better off when we use "Resolutionary Thinking;" when we facilitate the machinery of our institutions--commercial, governmental, political and charitable. When we navigate through collaboration we inspire and impact others. We have an opportunity to become conflict preventers and resolvers. We can each be the solution, not part of the problem. In so doing we will restore pride to ourselves as we become more, not less human. Shifting a basic premise on which many operate is no simple matter. But if we miss the moment we may seal the fate of our children and grandchildren. Author's Note: ResolutionarySM is a service mark of Stewart Levine. The term was first articulated by a satisfied client in 1991 who, after a very delicate matter, looked at me and exclaimed "you are a resolutionary." LAW OF PEACE: It takes two to start a battle and only one to end or prevent it! > It all starts with you > Let go of what keeps the fire of conflict burning, it's that simple > Stress of conflict is the greatest cause of disease: heal thyself > Collaboration and connection is the source of peace, satisfaction and productivity > Conflict is very expensive > You can begin right now > You know all you have to - it's in the biology > Conflict is the worst industrial pollutant > Heaven on earth resides in your mind > There's more than enough for everyone - distribution is the challenge
> "Your Mess is Your Message" An inspirational book to create perspective and motivation for the challenges we face; and how we can learn to accept the blessings > "Pilgrim's Path" A daily book of original poetry that shares the words given to me as I moved through an intense period of introspection and healing > "Resolutionary Way" My aspirational vision in parable form for what the world might look and be like if we could change all that's disturbing and become "Resolutionaries." > "Getting to Relationship" The second edition of "Getting to Resolution" I'll be sending chapters, perhaps even serializing and asking for feedback as I write. Thanks for your help and attention. With Resolve and Many blessings- Stewart PS: Look for the launch of my new website! If you would like a personal tour of my new e-learning software With less focus on the purely psychological aspects of reaching agreement than 'Getting to Yes' Levine's becomes a much more pragmatic approach." Perdido, Leadership with a Conscience, Review, "The Book of Agreement" ********************************************************************* Author: The Book of Agreement / Best of 2003 CEO Refresher
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