WORK IN PROGRESS
(Life, Me, You, This Newsletter)
Vol. V, Issue11, June 1, 2001 ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
What comes off the top first is not always the richest
cream.
Back in the days before milk was homogenized, the
cream use to rise to the top. Before we knew about the
dangers of cholesterol this was regarded as the best part
of the milk, and would often be carefully poured from the
bottle into a container where it would be kept separate
from the milk and used appreciatively. Now we know
that, delicious as the cream is, it is not what we are
looking for as far as nourishment is concerned.
For some reason, I am reminded of this when I think
about the art of getting to ideas. Regardless of whether
one is trying to find out more about how someone else
thinks and what their dreams are, digging deeper into
one's own self- understanding, or seeking creative ideas
for a project, it is not usually what comes "off the top of
the head" that is the best, the most important, the most
meaningful. In fact, what we think of first is often
superficial and obvious, conveying little new information.
Ask someone what they would do if they suddenly found
themselves making a great deal more money, or winning
the lottery, and they will usually start with a new car,
perhaps a new house, perhaps a boat. This tells you
very little about them. True, you can dig, as sales
people are sometimes taught to do. You can jump in
there, show that you are interested in the person's
dreams,
"What kind of a car? What color? Two-door or
four-door" and so on to bring the image into more vivid
detail.
But if, instead, you can wait just a little bit longer, just
bite your tongue and wait, then, THEN the deeper stuff
starts coming out. A chance to live in a peaceful place
far from the city, a way to lighten people's pain, time to
write a book... these may be the deeper dreams that are
a part of the individual's vision of life and that provide the
more powerful drivers for change and progress. They
rarely surface as the first answers to such questions.
Again, if you, or you and someone else, are working on
finding your motivations for something... an over-
reaction, a fear, some response that does not seem
particularly reasonable, what will come first is most
probably NOT the real reason. First will come the
rationalizations... "She offended me," "They're jealous
and they'd like to get me fired," something that puts the
responsibility outside of oneself. If you accept these
explanations and start to respond to them, the
self-searching process will end right there. If you can
just wait, just keep the silence, while perhaps nodding
encouragingly, the answers that come next will be
deeper, more self-revealing, truer.
Of course, if the self-searcher is yourself, then the
listening is just as important. While we read and hear
more about the importance of listening now than a few
years ago, most of the emphasis is on listening to others.
Learning to listen to oneself, to just be quiet and listen, is
in fact one of the more important lessons of self-
development. There is far more to you than what comes
"off the top of your head."
For partners, spouses, and parents, listening beyond the
initial (and often trivial) responses to "How did your day
go?" can bring families closer together and contribute to
understanding that might never come if the first response
is made to be the last. The need to respond quickly can
be the death of real conversation.
The skill of listening for what comes from the depths is
also vital for the creative individual. Whether what
bubbles up is in the form of images, ideas, words,
actions, solutions, you can usually (though not always)
be sure that the best will not be the first to present
themselves. This is one reason why thousands of writers
make a practice of writing their "morning pages." This is
a technique used in The Artist's Way to prime the pump
of thought, to get rid of the obvious stuff that sits at the
top of our mental stack, and access what is deeper and
less easily accessible.
Whether accessing your own thoughts or those of others,
just waiting in silence so as to get through the initial trivia
is a powerful skill that can open up new dimensions of
understanding, and lead to greater success in almost
any field.
(One exception to all of this may occur when looking for
specific answers to something, perhaps intuitively. In
such cases it often happens that the correct answer
comes first, only to be superseded by our attempts at
reasoning and rationalizing.)
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RECOMMENDED READING
The Artist's Way : A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity
With the basic principle that creative expression is the
natural direction of life, Julia Cameron and Mark Bryan
lead you through a comprehensive twelve-week program
to recover your creativity from a variety of blocks,
including limiting beliefs, fear, self-sabotage, jealousy,
guilt, addictions, and other inhibiting forces, replacing
them with artistic confidence and productivity.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0874776945/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
Listening : The Forgotten Skill (A Self-Teaching Guide)
by Madelyn Burley-Allen
An update of the author's winning program for mastering
this essential aspect of communication. Offers excellent
techniques for overcoming language barriers,
interpreting body language, asking constructive
non-threatening questions, and more. Features a wealth
of worksheets, charts and graphs to make learning this
skill easy. Each chapter concludes with a self-test to
check progress.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0471015873/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
The Good Listener by James E. Sullivan
Writers and editors may be familiar with an old standby
in the editing world, The Elements of Style, a slim little
volume that has served as a precious help to anyone
seeking to work with the English language. Well, James
Sullivan and Ave Maria press have written and published
a similar little guide to interpersonal communications
called The Good Listener. This small book covers
succinctly the measures many of us need to take to
really become better, more effective listeners. Reading
this book will not make you a better listener, only
practice can do that, but it will definitely teach you about
the foundations of good listening so you will know what
to practice.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0877939438/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
The Zen of Listening : Mindful Communication In The
Age Of Distraction by Rebecca Z. Shafir
"Shafir has written a real "heads-up" book for this age of
soundbytes, multitasking, and hidden agendas.
Communication is an interactive process dependent on
both speaking and listening. Too often, the listening part
is given short shrift, and we are left wondering why we
feel "empty." Defining listening as "the willingness to see
a situation through the eyes of the speaker," Shafir goes
beyond the mechanics of good listening behavior to an
approach requiring relaxation, focus, and a desire to
learn from the speakers' perspective. In a friendly and
informal tone, she discusses specific exercises,
activities, and strategies to improve awareness, provides
illustrations, and gives examples from her clinical
experiences."
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0835607909/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
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TOP TEN LISTS & COACHING TIPS
At any time you can easily access all but the most recent
of the Top Ten lists that I write for CoachU's Top Ten
site by visiting the Top Ten page of my web site at
http://www.choicecoach.com/4Writer/TopTens.htm .
Likewise, my more than seventy Coaching Tips can be
found at http://www.choicecoach.com/4Writer/CoachingTips.htm
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FREE COACHING SESSIONS!
Work in Progress covers general issues that can be
covered far more specifically and personally in personal
coaching. For a free half-hour of coaching by phone,
with no strings and no pressures, visit my Guestbook at
www.ChoiceCoach.com.
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Copyright 2001 Diana Robinson, Ph.D. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents
herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress
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