WORK IN PROGRESS
(Life, Me, You, This Newsletter)
Vol. V, Issue13, July 1, 2001 ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYONE!
How often do you get frustrated because you can't
please everyone? Part of the family wants you to be
doing A, the others want you to do B. The boss expects
C but those you supervise expect D, and you can't do
both. Sometimes it's enough to make you want to throw
up your hands and quit.
The fact is, you need to use YOUR judgment, to decide
what is right. Certainly you may wish to take the
thoughts or wishes of others into account, but not to the
point that you feel as though you are on a see-saw being
bounced in all directions at once.
The fact that different people have different agendas
does not mean that anyone is wrong. It simply means
that they have different viewpoints. This was brought
home to me quite strongly recently in a couple of
different incidents.
First there was the reaction to the last Work in Progress.
It was the one that started with the analogy relating the
flow of water to the flow of abundance and ended with
some suggestions for helping those less fortunate. I
received only two responses to it. One said, in part,
"When people like you do things like this, I become
quiet. Because I am listening to Silence in those
moments. It speaks majesty, magic and heavenly music,
It speaks humility, happiness and hope." Now, I very
much doubt that I deserve that much praise, and I must
note that the individual who wrote it is herself a single
mother who was pleased that I had written on the topic.
But, lest I start to get above myself after reading it, the
second message read, "Good god, quit sending me
these please!" Abrupt down-to-earth message for
Diana... you can't please everyone!
Then there was the solstice message! Because I am
highly attuned to the cycle of the seasons, while I always
welcome summer, I also note, with slight regret, that the
summer solstice brings with it a gradual shortening of our
period of light. At the same time I am very aware that our
friends in the southern hemisphere are welcoming the
turning of the seasons so that their evenings are growing
longer. I was not prepared, however, for the reaction of
a correspondent who last fall moved to Alaska. Of the
solstice, he wrote with intensity,
"We were there to celebrate--and what we were there to
celebrate was _not_ the first day of summer, _not_ the
fact that the sun didn't set--what we were celebrating
was--as bad as the situation is---IT WILL ONLY GET
BETTER!! From now on, the days will get SHORTER!!
Please forgive the "shouting," but if you had ever
experienced the nigh-pure hell of perpetual daylight (It
was _ten_ _times_ worse than the daylight ever even
_thought_ of being)--you would understand my (our)
jubilation. :)"
That longer days could ever be described as "nigh-pure
hell" had never occurred to me - nor, I suspect, to most
of us.
So, you see, whatever the situation, there will be people
who, with full justification, see it differently. As a
counselor I used to keep on my office wall a piece of
laser art that looked different depending on the angle at
which you looked at it. I would occasionally ask a client
what color it was... and then ask her to move to the other
side of the room and answer the question again as a
demonstration of the fact that different viewpoints give us
points of view... even though they do not change the
facts.
It is not wise to try to "cut your cloth" to suit each of the
people who try to affect your agenda, for they have their
own agendas. You can end up with only a wisp of fabric
left by the time you have finished trying to please first
one and then another and then another. No, trust your
truth, your inner judgment, and follow that. As
Shakespeare wrote,
"To thine own self be true,
And it must follow as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
He did know a thing or two, didn't he!
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RECOMMENDED READING for improving your quality of life:
Living Your Best Life : Work, Home, Balance, Destiny:
Ten Strategies for Getting from Where You Are to Where
You're Meant to Be by Laura Berman Fortgang.
"Fortgang's approach is a variation on the 'Do what you
love and the money will follow' philosophy. However,
she offers practical exercises and checklists, dos and
don'ts, and, despite her sometimes New-Agey ideals,
very concrete methods that readers can use to change
their lives. She points out that people don't often know
what will make them happy (a fact that a lot of self-help
books ignore), and she gives suggestions on how to
identify exactly what that certain something might be."
For more information, click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D1585420921/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
Reclaiming the Fire: How Successful People Overcome
Burnout by Dr. Steven Berglas
"Why do so many seemingly successful professionals hit
the wall in middle age, and decide to either radically
scale back their careers or set off in an entirely new
direction? Clinical psychologist Steven Berglas, a
specialist in success-induced burnout, believes it stems
from the 'self-handicapping behavior' that baby boomers
are exhibiting in record numbers as they climb the
corporate ladder and find they aren't happy with what
results. Terming the phenomena Supernova Burnout,
Berglas defines this workplace ennui as 'the constrictive
effects of being branded a 'success'' and offers some
advice for the psychological distress that is an increasing
consequence. He analyzes 'performance-inhibiting'
behaviors ranging from substance abuse to abrupt
career changes, and suggests a few individual and
organizational responses (including his 60 Minutes cure,
which relies upon passion and intrinsic motivation to
battle career malaise). While not everyone will agree
with his assessments and prescribed cures,
businesspeople who fit Berglas's description--and human
resource managers who deal them--will likely find the
material intriguing and potentially helpful."
To learn more, click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0679463216/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
The Truth About Love : The Highs, the Lows, and How
You Can Make It Last Forever by Patricia Love
Turning from career burn-out to relationship burn-out,
Love, a family and marriage therapist and coauthor of
Hot Monogamy, here offers hope to those who feel that
the flame of amour has gone out. She explains the
predictable patterns of relationships, how physiological
changes account for some of the intense feelings
brought on by initial attraction, explodes myths that can
destroy relationships, such as "If my partner really loved
me s/he'd know what I wanted all the time," and
discusses other potential problems, such as when a
couple has different priorities for their relationship and
includes quizzes and lists of questions for discussion.
To learn more click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0684871882/personalandcareeA/102-1906025-64329250962871877
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FREE COACHING SESSIONS!
Work in Progress covers general issues that can be
addressed far more specifically and personally in
personal coaching. For a free half-hour of coaching by
phone, with no strings and no pressures, visit my
Guestbook at www.ChoiceCoach.com. It might help you
get over just that little glitch that has been holding you
back!
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Copyright 2001 Diana Robinson, Ph.D. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents
herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress
owner, and should not be considered as a form of
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