WORK IN PROGRESS
(Life, Me, You, This Newsletter)
Vol. V, Issue17, September 1, 2001 ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
LIVE LONG AND...?
Given how widespread is the popularity of Star Trek, in
its television and movie versions, I think it is safe to say
that most readers of Work in Progress will be familiar
with the farewell salutation "Live long and prosper."
Most of us would probably want to do both.
Yet, although we all want to live long, very few of us
actually want to grow old. "Grow old and prosper" would
have a very different connotation. Is it possible to live
long and not grow old? Is it desirable? Can we at least
learn to live our lives to the fullest so that later life is not
filled with regrets and the negative connotations that
many attach to the word "old"?
These thoughts come from two sources. First, I recently
visited a 98 year old relative who still lives alone in her
own house, and does some (though not the heavy work)
of her own gardening, though she does have help.
Second, I have people dear to me who are attending, for
the umpteenth year, the Burning Man Festival in the
playa of Black Rock Desert in Nevada. This year the
festival's theme is based on Shakespeare's seven ages
of man (from "As you Like It"). As described by the Bard,
the focus is on the negative aspects of each age, making
our progression through life sound far from desirable.
Knowing a little about the creativity involved in the
Burning Man Festival I have no doubt that the
experiences created by the thousands of attendees will
vary widely (and wildly) between Bardic pessimism and
glorious optimism. My question, though, for those of us
not attending, is how can we squeeze the maximum
benefit from each of the stages as we move, willy-nilly,
through them over the years?
Is it not strange that the early years of our lives are often
spend wishing the time away, dreaming of the time when
we are grown, when we are "free" (as we believe will be
the case) to do whatever we want to do? As we reach
whatever age we perceived to be the magic number we
usually perceive, strangely, that the freedom still eludes
us. Most people then find other landmarks to which to
look forward... when they find the right relationship, when
they complete the degree... get the right job... earn the
right salary... find the right time... and then, oops,
suddenly they find that they are dreaming of... when they
retire. What happened? Where did life go, they
wonder?
I doubt that there is anyone reading this who wants to be
in that situation. Yet how many of us really work at
savoring the NOW?
Perhaps there are two things we may consider. The first
is to REALLY focus on the positives that are happening
today. Most of us are too easily distracted by the worries
of tomorrow, or the insults of yesterday, so that we forget
to enjoy the now. One routine that I recommend to many
of my clients is the use of a gratitude journal. In a
gratitude journal we write five things for which we are
grateful today, things that are happening, or that we have
seen or experienced, today. One reason for writing them
down, rather than just thinking about them, is to catch
ourselves when we "cheat" and use the same things day
after day. Another is because when we write something
down, it becomes more strongly a part of our thinking.
Think about that for a moment. When you write
something down you involve not only your mental
faculties, as when you think about the good stuff. When
you write you involve your sight as you read what you
are writing. You involve the kinesthetic senses of the
body as you write or type. In this way the information
seems to be better retained in memory, so that we really
remember that there were things for which to be grateful
despite whatever negatives may be occurring. I
remember one client who commented that keeping a
gratitude journal changed the way she perceived the
whole day, because she started her morning looking for
good things, knowing that by the end of the day she
would be wanting to write down at least five.
Another way to focus on the positives is to know that we
have choices. As long as we focus on the fact that we
have alternatives we are less likely to experience
ourselves as victims - something that always detracts
from the quality of life.
We can also be realistic in making plans so that each
successive stage will not take us by surprise. We may
need to envisage it, to consider what our needs will be,
and so be prepared for the graduate changes that will,
sooner or later, come upon us. This does not mean that
we ignore the present, or sacrifice it for the future. It just
means that we be aware of the changes that may come
in the future.
I like the idea that the Burning Man theme espouses, for
it takes people through an enactment of each life stage,
in whatever order they choose, helping them to
understand past and future experiences for themselves,
and perhaps giving them greater empathy for others.
Are there ways that we can do something similar for
ourselves? Can we remind ourselves of past and future
by being sure to mix with people of all ages, not just our
contemporaries?
One other thought about life stages. As we move
through them, we can either determinedly LEAVE earlier
stages behind, or we can INCORPORATE them into
today. An example is the person who affects to despise
all that is childlike once s/he is grown. Another example
is the person who brings the benefits of childlike thought
along to be experienced even as s/he moves into other
stages. Which of those two is likely to be happier?
It does not help us to live our lives focused solely on a
future phase of life when all will be magically wonderful.
Nor does it help to fear, dread, or ignore the future.
What we can best do for the future is to plan realistically,
but most of all, do train ourselves to enjoy the NOW. If
we get ourselves into the habit of enjoying now, we will
probably enjoy the future when it, too, becomes our
NOW.
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A little about The Burning Man Festival
I am reliably informed that it is hopeless to try to describe
the festival, so I won't try. I know myself well enough to
know I would not do well in the sometimes 107 degree
Nevada desert, so, although it has been suggested that I
attend, I have never done so. Suffice it to say that it is
an annual event, scheduled around the US Labor Day
weekend, that attracts thousands of people (25,000 in
year 2000) to an artistic and experiential event that
requires active participation, and that many participants
find to be life-changing.
Everything that one needs for the week-long event -
including water, water, and more water - must be brought
in, for the festival has no vending. And everything
brought in or created on-site must be burned, destroyed,
and/or taken out, for the festival aims to leave no tracks
in the living desert. For more information, check out the
links below, or simply do a search on Burning Man.
http://www.burningman.com/
http://www.burningman.com/whatisburningman/about_burningman/experience.html
http://www.burningman.com/themecamps_installations/installations/bm01_theme.html
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WHERE ARE YOU STUCK?
Would a free half-hour coaching session with Diana
Robinson help you?
Although Work in Progress covers general issues related
to personal growth, many of these can be addressed far
more specifically and personally in the personal
coaching process.
If you would like to receive the gift of a free half-hour of
coaching by phone, with no pressures, no sales push,
just a 30 minute focus on your situation, please e-mail
me or visit my Guestbook at www.ChoiceCoach.com. I
will respond promptly to schedule a call at your
convenience. Just one free call might help you to get
over that annoying little glitch that has been holding you
back!
The only cost to you is the cost of the phone call.
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Copyright 2001 Diana Robinson, Ph.D. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents
herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress
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