WORK IN PROGRESS
(Life, Me, You, This Newsletter) Vol. V, Issue 23, December 1, 2001

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SQUELCHED IDEAS

Sometimes we feel as if others are in opposition to us
when in fact, though they might never admit it, they feel
threatened by us. This can lead to a great deal of
misunderstanding and bad feeling.

One of the paradoxes of life is that, even though most
people know that what they feel inside may be quite
different from the persona that they project outwardly to
others, they yet believe that most of the personas that
other project are in fact genuine. Because of this, we fail
to see the weakness, the uncertainty and insecurities
that are hidden inside other people. Hence, we do not
take them into account, and we are bewildered when
they lash out in apparent fury (actually fueled by fear) at
something we have done or said.

I was reminded of this recently in correspondence with a
client who is rapidly growing into his power. He is having
brilliant ideas that could eventually transform his field,
but the reaction of some of his more senior colleagues is
less than welcoming, and not always logical. He was
bewildered that the rather negative reception his ideas
had received.

There is another story, in very different context, that
probably springs from a similar source. A young woman
who had sought always to please her parents yet found it
impossible to gain praise from them. Over the years she
told them of one achievement after another, with little or
no acknowledgment. Then, in the midst of an argument
that had, perhaps, stripped away some defenses, her
mother burst out angrily, "Why do you always make me
feel so inferior?" The woman was stunned as she
realized the ongoing misunderstanding. She had seen
her mother as the powerful one, as had been the case
when she was much younger. So she sought praise by
depositing her triumphs at her mother's feet. The
mother, seeing her daughter grow in ways that she had
never been able to, saw herself in comparison not as
powerful but as lacking, and every achievement of the
daughter drove that point home more intensely.

In the case of my client, I would suspect that those senior
colleagues who react negatively to his ideas may be
similarly threatened.

Such things happen to most of us in one way or another.
When they do, it is important to remember that change
agents are often perceived as threatening. Of late,
business literature gives huge lip-service to the need for
change agents, to the need for encouraging and
developing them. Yet they are still frequently brushed
aside, not because their ideas for change are
necessarily bad ideas, but because their ideas are
threatening to the status quo of people more senior to
them. Because folks in the upper echelon are seen as
more senior, and therefore powerful, it does not occur to
others that they may still be insecure, but such may be
the case.

There follows from this, as my client and I discussed, the
need to be aware of the impact on others of a new idea,
or a new achievement. Perhaps, in fact, it is not exactly
a need, but if you are to attain maximum cooperation and
support, it is certainly a very good idea. How can you
buffer your presentation so that it does not come over as
a threat, or as something that will make the other person
feel inadequate?

Similarly, if YOU are the one responding to a new idea
that might, perhaps, require major changes in the way
you operate, can you step back from that initial surge of
insecurity and look at the idea objectively? Can you get
outside your own personal realm and form an opinion,
and a reaction, based on its overall merits, separate from
its immediate impact on you?

This is not to say that all new ideas are good... some are
just plain hare-brained. Nor is it to say that all criticism
of new ideas is based on someone's insecurities. The
point is not that we need indiscriminate acceptance (both
of ideas and of the criticism of others), but that,
whichever side we may be on, we keep in mind the fact
that, in one way or another, insecurities are a part of all
of us. They may be involved in our reactions, or in the
reactions of others. (For related recommended reading,
see "Hot Buttons" below.)

Awareness sheds light on dark corners and finds insight
in the midst of confusion.

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RIP George Harrison, former Beatle, 1943-2001

"He left this life as he lived it, conscious of God, fearless
of death, and at peace." Family spokesperson,
November 30, 2001.

His music will live on, as does he.
Diana

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RECOMMENDED READING

Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone
Down by Sybil Evans, Sherry Suib Cohen (Contributor)

"'We live in angry times,' says Hot Buttons author Sybil
Evans, and she should know. As one of America's
leading experts on conflict resolution, Evans has worked
with everyone from corporations the size of AT&T to the
United States Tennis Association to couples on the brink
of divorce. So what's the source of our growing hostility?
Hot buttons.

Evans and coauthor Sherry Suib Cohen claim that by
recognizing what pushes your hot buttons--and by
learning how not to push the hot buttons of
others--conflicts can be avoided. Even more important is
the ability to turn them off once they have been pushed.
The book begins with a five-step formula for doing this."

For more information, check out:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0060956836/personalandcareeA/002-8534146-380480

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Expect the Unexpected (Or You Won't Find It): A
Creativity Tool Based on the Ancient Wisdom of
Heraclitus by Roger Von Oech, George Willett
(Illustrator)

"The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus was the first
creativity teacher says Roger von Oech, whose
best-selling book A Whack on the Side of the Head' set
the standard for out-of-the-box thinking. In Expect the
Unexpected, Von Oech uses 30 of Heraclitus's pithy and
paradoxical epigrams to approach problems in a fresh
manner. He explains his premise: "Creative thinking
involves imagining familiar things in a new light, digging
below the surface to find previously undetected patterns,
and finding connections among unrelated phenomena."
Von Oech uses the epigrams as creativity exercises--
accompanied by mental puzzles, anecdotes, questions,
and punchy footnotes--to demonstrate that Heraclitus's
2,500-year-old creative insights have aged well. "

For more information, check out:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0743222873/personalandcareeA/002-8534146-380480 ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
Copyright 2001 Diana Robinson, Ph.D. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents
herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress
owner, and should not be considered as a form of
therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or
accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed,
services of a competent professional should be sought.
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