WORK IN PROGRESS
(Life, Me, You, This Newsletter)
Vol. VI, Issue 9, May 1, 2002 ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
In this issue:
---Dealing with change
---Small steps
---Recommended reading on change and transition
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DEALING WITH CHANGE
In current business literature, it is generally accepted that lack of willingness to accept change can be a handicap for people in all areas. Although change simply for the sake of change is not good, resistance to change in favor of the status quo is the reason for many individuals and companies being unable to keep up with the times.
Openness to change is therefore seen as being good.
Yet.. there are many types of change in our lives, and it is inevitable that our response to them will vary. Sometimes change can be very painful, particularly those changes that are brought upon us over which we feel as though we have no control and those that come in multiples. It is not always easy to be open to change in all its forms.
I am no rock-climber, but I have read that in that activity there is an adage that one should always maintain at least two points of contact. (The same concept applies in potentially slippery bathroom showers.) It means that, as you move your hands and feet from one place or position to another, you always keep at least two (preferably three) in firm contact with the rock. Even though you are moving from one place to another, you try not to change everything at once in one huge leap. With life changes, we often need to keep similar advice in mind.
Most of us have anchors in our lives. We have places, people, things, situations, possibly religious faith, that function as solid hand-holds, as providing a context for our lives. It may be stressful, but not unusual, for one of these to change. Someone moves away. We change our job or are "laid-off." We are transferred so that we will be doing the same kind of job in a different location, leaving friends and family behind. Someone dies. Some other constant, perhaps health of financial situation, suddenly changes. When one of these events happens, although it may be disruptive, sorrowful, or otherwise having a negative impact upon us, if the other anchors remain constant, we are like the rock-climber who shifts one hand, or one foot, while remaining firmly in contact with the other anchors. In that contact there is safety.
However, there are times when life decides that it will force us to shift several anchors within a short space of time, and these are times when change can become extremely difficult. We may feel ourselves adrift, as though we have neither anchor nor sails, neither rudder nor oars.
At such times it is, of course, important to hold on even more tightly to whatever anchors we still have. We need to tighten our bonds with them, to become even more fully conscious of the extent to which we value and treasure them. Yet the fact remains that we are missing some of our previous anchors. This may mean that we are no longer free to choose our moves in safety, retaining our grip on at least two anchors. Perhaps two are all that we have. The result, if nothing changes, can be either paralysis or peril. We may feel that we must choose between remaining immobile or making a potentially dangerous "one anchor" move.
There is, however, an alternative. One can scan the rock face for new hand-holds, start the search for alternative anchors.
I suppose, in hindsight and as an example of what I mean, that I have done this in the past. I am thinking of a particularly bad time of loss that was followed by several other unchosen changes including of location. With anchors disappearing, it seemed, in all directions, I set search for new ones. I lucked out in my approach to the Chamber of Commerce of my future home long before I moved there. From them I received a multi-dimensional map from which I could envisage my new community with unusual clarity. I subscribed to the newspaper of the new area. Were this happening today I would of course be searching the web for information, local sites, whatever might provide a link, an anchor for me to grasp as I reached forward toward my new situation.
Part of this technique comes from not fighting the problem, not reaching frantically backwards for the anchors that have gone, but accepting their absence. Looking forward, not back. Not that we discard or devalue the past, but that we accept that it is indeed the past, and we reach into the future for the anchors that will help us move into it.
There always are new anchors up there. Sometimes we need to stretch ourselves, to lengthen our reach to get to them, but they are there, and they can help us to maintain our stability as the world changes around us.
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SMALL STEPS...
Sometimes things accumulate. Suddenly one day we may become aware that somewhere there is a horizontal surface that has become completely covered with piles of... something. It may be papers that need filing, laundry that needs folding, books that await shelving... most households have their particular type of pile.
Often we bemoan that we do not have time to deal with them all, that eventually we will find an empty day and get the whole problem solved. But the empty day does not come, and the piles slowly and apparently of their own will grow larger. The drain on our mental energy that we experience every time we pass them becomes more exhausting.
The small step alternative to tackling the entire job at one time is to tackle one piece at a time. Make the resolution that every time you walk past that pile you will pick up one object, or perhaps several, and that you WILL NOT PUT THEM DOWN INTO ANOTHER PILE. You will put them where they need to be. EVERY time you walk past. You may be surprised how fast those piles dwindle with the small step approach - perhaps you will be able to find a more pleasurable way to spend that empty day... when and if it ever arrives.
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What's happening at ChoiceCoach.com
"If only I could..."
Next time you hear someone say, "If only I could..." and finish with a sigh because they seem to be moving toward that goal much too slowly, perhaps you could do me a favor. Ask that person if a Personal Effectiveness Coach might help them to move more quickly toward that goal. If so, I'd be delighted to offer them a free half-hour coaching call. No strings or obligation, no sales pitch, no cost to them except the cost of a normal phone call to me in upstate New York state.
To arrange a call, either visit www.ChoiceCoach.com and sign in at the Guestbook with a request for a free call, or else e-mail me directly at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com.
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A little bit of tech security stuff
Quite apart from the pesky Klez virus which I hope will be wearing itself out by the time you read this... I, as part of the TV audience, was recently recommended, by a local TV tech person, to check on the effectiveness of my firewall by visiting http://grc.com. Since I have recently started using the built-in Windows XP firewall, which does not give feedback as to what's going on, I previously had my doubts about its effectiveness. I was accustomed to BlackIce, which tells you when your computer is being probed. So I went to the grc.com address and obtained a free check of my firewall. I'm glad to say that the system passed as secure. I'm also glad to pass this information on to you, because if you are not running an effective firewall... you are effectively leaving all your doors and windows open for anyone to enter silently and without your even knowing it. If you think this can't happen to you, you should know that when I was running a firewall that gave me feedback, I discovered that my system, which is just another little private PC, was being probed daily, and on two occasions even my firewall was breached!
If you would not leave your doors and windows open and unguarded, why would you connect your computer to the internet without a firewall?
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RECOMMENDED READING
As I searched for books on change for this section, I noticed an interesting use of language. Enter "change" into a book-seller's website, and you will find a list that is almost entirely devoted to corporate change. Enter "transition" and you will find books relating to personal changes. I'm not sure why this is the case, but it is something to keep in mind if you are looking for other books on the topic. I should add that there are huge numbers of books on corporate change, but comparatively few that are well reviewed on personal change, i.e. transition, which is why I mention below two by the same author, something I generally avoid doing.
Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes by William Bridges.
"I can't say enough about Transitions. Bridges takes an in-depth look at the process of change and how to understand it and handle it... Most importantly, Bridges explains how to take care of yourself so you can make it through life's bumps and scrapes. It's an excellent resource for anyone having trouble dealing with change of any kind."
To learn more and/or order, click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0201550733/personalandcareeA/002-8534146-380480
The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments by William Bridges.
"Bridges work is valuable from so many perspectives. Reading it is embarking on a journey through the lens of a expert in transition. Or one can say an ordinary man touched by a deep loss, or a friend reaching out to others by sharing his pain, or as a mentor/healer allowing others to re-live his personal journey and in doing so, discover and make new meanings on their own journey... One of the very best books I have read in this subject area.
To learn more and/or order, click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D073820529X/personalandcareeA/002-8534146-380480
Finding Yourself in Transition: Using Life's Changes for Spiritual Awakening by Robert Brumet.
"Discover how to use change as a gateway to greater personal and spiritual growth. Brumet weaves together strands of psychology, Eastern and Western mysticism, Bible interpretation, and personal stories as he gently guides you into new beginnings."
To learn more and/or order, click on
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D087159272X/personalandcareeA/002-8534146-380480
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Copyright 2002 Diana Robinson, Ph.D. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.
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