WORK IN PROGRESS
THE Personal Effectiveness E-zine Vol. VII, Issue 6, Mid-March, 2003

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What you once put your whole heart into, will never entirely let you go.

Suppose you were to be told your life is soon to end. What would you look back and wish you had done that you have not done? Now, suppose you have a reprieve... are you going to forget about those things again?

Where is your heart?

What have you left behind that used to be intensely important to you? Why did you give it up? Are you truly done with it? If not, you may be certain that it will not be done with you. Perhaps it will return in the form of dreams, or of hopes that you have for others (children in particular). Perhaps it will remain a lingering regret, an "if only" or a "what if" that haunts you with images of the road not taken.

This does not mean that we cannot or should not change paths. Many of us followed interests, hobbies, even incipient careers in our youthful years that would probably have turned sour had we stayed with them into adulthood. What it does mean is that we need to be sure that we have CHOSEN to let go. It is not healthy to carry the belief that we were forced to move on, to leave behind against our will something that was dearly beloved to us.

What if this did, indeed, happen to you? What if some form of pressure was applied to "guide" you into a path that others thought more beneficial, or for some other reason you had to make a choice that was not in accord with who you really were and what you really wanted?

Is it too late? It is conventional coaching to say that it is never too late, and for some things it is not. People win long-desired degrees in their eighties. There are folks who are maturely mature and who climb mountains, start new businesses, and in other ways do the things they have always longed to do. Yet some things are not realistic. While some rock stars may be aging, they were not so when they first established themselves, and I suspect that rock-stardom would be difficult for a mature mature person to attain.

Sometimes there are responsibilities and commitments that will not allow us to change horses in midstream.

Here's a thought. If what you loved will not let go of you, and yet it is not realistic for you to return to it, how about using your passion to help others? Whatever knowledge and skills you honed may still serve others. Perhaps you can bring them to the young, to the deprived who need to have their horizons widened. Or to the elderly who need the same. Perhaps you can gather all your knowledge and write about it.

Whatever it is... do not hold back. Do not say "Maybe next year." For you never know when that reprieve will be rescinded.

Or, perhaps you need to take out all your dreams, all your knowledge, maybe even the box of equipment that has been stored in the attic or basement for yea these many years, and really take a look at whatever it is. What does it mean to you now? Perhaps the truth is that, if you look at it with the eyes of reality, you will realize that you are indeed ready to let go of it after all. Perhaps it was only a fantasy, not a real dream, that has haunted you all these years.

If that is the case, you may do well to bid it a real goodbye, so that you make it clear to yourself that you are bidding it farewell. You could write it a letter, a letter that sums up your memories and your hopes, and why you are now letting go of them. You could keep that letter as a reminder of why, or you could symbolically burn it or bury it. You could visualize all the gear, the equipment, or the dreams, floating slowly away from you down a river, knowing that when it turns the bend and is out of sight you will be done with it. There are many forms of goodbye ritual to make it real to us.

On the other hand, perhaps the dreams are really happy memories, and there are no melancholy "what if" or "if only" thoughts attached to them. Then be joyous. Perhaps construct a memory board to bear witness to the times you enjoyed so much, and rejoice that whatever it is was able to contribute to who and what you are now. For it did, whether you return to it or not. All that we have done continues as a part of us, for it shaped us, even if only a little. For this reason, if we like who we are now, we cannot totally disown any part of what has gone before, but we can, when we are ready, say goodbye to it.

Whatever it is, do not let yourself be weighed down with the feeling that your relationship with this hobby, this passion, this activity, is incomplete. Revive it, or let it go, and feel your energy return to focus on the things that you plan to do now!

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The Rochester falcons are back!

Every year the falcons that nest in a specially built nest-box - technically called a scrape - in the tower of the Kodak corporate building in Rochester, NY - become the stars of a widely watched webcam fed by five cameras. They are back! To discover more, check out http://birdcam.kodak.com

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Personal security!

If you go to Google and enter your phone number, complete with area code and dashes, and then search, you will quite probably find your full address, with a link that provides a map and driving directions to your house. Therefore, anyone to whom you give your phone number can discover where you live. If you do not wish this to happen, you can request to be removed from the listing. When you come to the screen that shows your address, click on the telephone icon that is to the left of your name. Part-way down the resulting page is a line providing a link to go to a page where you can request removal of your name from this Google phone listing. The removal does work - I just tried it - though it does not seem to be instantaneous.

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I can't claim credit for this piece of wisdom, posted on a list of which I am a member and reproduced with permission. However, I believe that its sentiments are well worth remembering. D.R.

"There are few absolutes, friends. The world is colored in shades of grey, not black and white. The 'good guys' as portrayed by the media, aren't always good guys, and the same is true for the 'bad guys.' They are simply people, subject to the same human frailties as all of us. And many of us, maybe all of us, are also at times afflicted with what Bernard Lonergan called "scotosis", a hardening of the mind against unwanted wisdom by repressing questions that may lead to a deeper insight into problems."

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TELL A FRIEND

I hope that you enjoy Work in Progress, and that it is useful to you. To pass its benefits on to a friend or colleague, please forward this issue, perhaps with the suggestion that they might like to subscribe.
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PLEASE! Any re-use of this material has to include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2003."

For more information about personal coaching, and your opportunity for a personal half-hour sample coaching call with me, visit my web site www.ChoiceCoach.com or contact me at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com."

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Copyright 2003 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.