WORK IN PROGRESS
THE Personal Effectiveness E-zine Vol. VII, Issue 18, December, 2003

><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
I apologize!

There was no Work in Progress in November. But you are receiving this, so you are indeed still on the mailing list.

In September I took on a project that gave more of a jolt to my regular schedule than I had anticipated. A combination of that and the International Coach Federation conference in Denver in November knocked me far enough off kilter that I had no time to write WIP. I am hoping to deliver two in December to make up for it.

><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
Some gems from Denver...

You might think that the annual conference of the International Coach Federation would be of interest only to coaches. However, I believe that some of the highlights on that event might be of interest to my other readers, in addition to those who are coaches. Inspiration, excellence, relationships... they all sound like WIP topics to me.

I alternately wept and laughed during the incredibly powerful keynote speech by Dr. Paul Pearsall, author of "The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Happiness, Healing and Hope" among other books. I recently read a review that described "The Beethoven Factor" as the best introduction to date on the topic of positive psychology - but I also notice that Amazon.com readers have not reviewed it favorably. Perhaps over the holiday break I'll have time to read it and decide for myself - stay tuned. Whether or not he is an excellent writer, Pearsall is certainly an amazing and inspiring speaker!

* * * * *

I learned to think differently and more deeply about what excellence IS, and is not, under the guidance of Michael Stratford in his presentation "Excellence is not an Accident."

Because Michael so encouraged us to think for ourselves, and because in small groups we discovered that we thought so differently on the topic, I cannot give you the end answers, just some issues that were raised, and some thoughts that came to me during the presentation.

(As an example of how differently we thought, when five of us had to write down four things that we thought central to excellence, we came up with 17 different thoughts - only three items were written by two people, and none by three or four people. Clearly we were agreeing to disagree!)

Some thoughts...

How does excellence relate to standards? To perfection? What destroys excellence? What encourages it? Do you aspire to excellence? What does it mean to you to do an excellent job at something? What would it take to meet your own standards of excellence? Are you inspired by excellence in others or do you envy it? What can you think of that you have done that you consider excellent? What made your approach to that issue or project different from others where you have not achieved excellence?

Quote from Michael Stratford: "Expertise has a shelf life; discovery is eternal."

* * * * *

I also found extremely useful and thought-provoking a presentation on stages of personal relationships by Laurie and Jonathon Weiss (www.empowermentsystems.com/intimacy.html).

I particularly like their definition given of codependency within a relationship as "an agreement between two people that says the needs of one of them are more important than those of the other."

Stages based on their model:

Bliss - The initial stage in which each is everything to the other.

Comfortable codependency - when both are okay with the agreement that the needs of one are more important than the needs of the other.

Uncomfortable codependency - when one (usually) party or the other becomes uncomfortable with the inequity of the way the relationship is working. This is where many relationships fall apart, particularly when one person reaches it while the other is in another stage.

Independence - when each reaches out for at least some needs to be met outside of the relationship - another potentially dangerous stage.

Interdependence - when each is reciprocally ready to fulfill some of the other's needs, and is able to reach outside the relationship for others, without it threatening the relationship.

Though this last stage is the goal, the ideal, even after it has been reached a couple may be bounced back into the previous stages by life events such as illness, the arrival or departure of offspring, or other major transitions. The goal then is to be aware of the change, and to work back through the stages so as to get back to the Interdependence phase again as smoothly as possible.

The Weisses use the Transactional Analysis model of Parent, Adult and Child within each individual to indicate how the relationship between these three ego states in the two people varies according to which stage the relationship is in. It is also noteworthy that the two people involved in the relationship may be in different stages. For example, one may remain in Comfortable codependency while the other has moved to Uncomfortable codependency - often a danger signal.

* * * * *

In another interesting program Jille Barolome described A Hand Up - a program to provide three months of free coaching to women who need "a hand up" and who are referred to them by the Dress for Success or Welfare to Work programs.
http://www.ahandupcoaching.org/

http://www.welfaretowork.org/

http://www.dressforsuccess.org/ (note that this is NOT the same program as www.dressforsuccess.com)

><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
A greeting card with a difference!

I hwant to share with you my enjoyment of a greeting card web site that I sometimes visit just for the sheer enjoyment of seeing the clever and humorous animations. To be able to send these cards to others does require a small annual fee for an unlimited number of cards, but to me it is well worth it! However, if you are not a member you can still preview and enjoy many of the cards - at this time of year I particularly like The Snowdog!

Enjoy!

http://www.jacquielawson.com

(And no, I get nothing for recommending the site - I just like to share my enjoyment of it with you.)

><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>

TELL A FRIEND

I hope that you enjoy Work in Progress, and that it is useful to you. To pass its benefits on to a friend or colleague, please forward this issue, perhaps with the suggestion that they might like to subscribe.
><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>>
PLEASE! Any re-use of this material should include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2003. For more information visit Diana's web site www.ChoiceCoach.com or contact her at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com."

TO SUBSCRIBE to Work in Progress send a blank e-mail to workinprogress-On@lists.webvalence.com.
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, send a blank e-mail to
workinprogress-Off@lists.webvalence.com
To offer feedback e-mail Diana at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com or visit her
web site at www.ChoiceCoach.com

Copyright 2003 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.
.