WORK IN PROGRESS
THE Personal Effectiveness E-zine September 2004

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My apologies to some of my new subscribers. Those who subscribed through my web site Guestbook page during August may or may not have received a personal welcome from me, as is usually the case. Having been away from home for most of the month I had anticipated being able to do all that was needed via my laptop from my brother's living room. For reasons that I do not yet understand, things did not go smoothly as far as the internet was concerned and I was not able to add new names to the subscription list until my return to the US and my trusty (?) desktop. In some cases I also missed out on the welcome letter that I usually send but am not sure who received it and who did not. Please consider yourselves welcomed... and if you are reading this you know that you have indeed been added to the mailing list.

Please also know that I welcome comments, questions, and suggestions from my readers.

Diana

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... the serenity to accept... the sense to prepare...

As many readers of Work in Progress know, since my family of origin is based in England I visit that country fairly regularly. As for many of you, transatlantic flights have become fairly routine for me. When I began this piece I was still on a travel variant that, courtesy of aberrant weather, had become far from routine. From my experience of that trip come two thoughts, neither new, but both definitely reinforced and worth a reminder.

One relates to the distress we cause ourselves when we refuse to accept situations that we cannot change. The other involves the ease with which we - or, at least in this case I - can be lulled into a belief that previous routines can be relied upon to continue in the future.

First is the issue of accepting the things we cannot change.

What good does it do to yell and scream at people who have no control over the situation? True, it was not pleasant to sit in an airplane on the tarmac for three hours due to weather problems only to then be told that our flight was cancelled. True, it was not appropriate that during that time we were offered no sustenance other than a cup of water. Yet, what did that have to do with the staff members at the check-in desks once we were back in the airport? (I will add an unfortunate exception under the Customer Service heading below.) It's a bit like going home from work and kicking the cat because of a problem with the boss. It doesn't (usually) solve the problem, probably does not help us to feel better, and it is grossly unfair/cruel to the cat!

Yet not only were many would-be passengers taking out their frustration on the airline staff immediately after the event, but even the next morning, with reservations in place and the sun shining, there was a continuation. As we waited for the plane that would at last take us on to our destination, the earlier situation was revisited and rehashed over and over again. I must confess to allowing myself to be sucked into it for a while, before recognizing the negatively of the conversation, and the fact that it served no useful purpose. In fact, it simply encouraged us all to re-create the frustration of the previous day, for no good reason. I returned to my book, with the words of the Serenity Prayer echoing in my mind...

... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

How often do you waste time and energy "fighting the problem," fretting about things that are beyond your power to change? Could that energy, that time, be more usefully used in seeking a silver lining, or in exploring ways to make the best of a difficult situation?

My other reaction was to recognize how easy it is to become complacent when things routinely go smoothly. It's the old "it won't happen to me!" idea. I read the papers, I have friends whose luggage goes astray or who for other reasons have to make do with only what is in their carry-on bags. So why on earth would I fail to take the simple precaution of packing a toothbrush and other overnight essentials in my carry-on bag? Because it has never happened to me before. In forty years of traveling from England to my home in the US, from door to door in one day, uninterrupted and complete with all my baggage, nothing has ever gone wrong. Obviously I was one of the lucky ones, but the result has been that over time I have become more casual about carrying the "what if" essentials in my carry-on baggage. In fact, I had become almost smug about the minimalist nature of my carry on items. Next time I will plan for the "what ifs."

I am not advocating paranoia, or that we all begin to live in fear that things will go wrong. Rather, there is a feeling of reassurance in knowing that we have done what we need to do in case the unexpected... or the unthinkable... occurs.

I am thinking of...

Yes, adding overnight essentials to my carry on luggage.

But also such things as...

Leaving directions as to who should be contacted, not just 'in case of emergency' but in case of a major and unforeseen change. What if, tomorrow, you were hospitalized and temporarily unable to communicate? Would anyone know who to tell? Would the people you have designated as your 'in case of emergency' contacts know who else to tell, what might need to be done, where the spare key is?

Of course you have a will - you do, don't you? But does the executor of that will have any idea of where the bank accounts, the safe deposit box, or other assets might be? Of what needs to be cancelled, what needs to be paid? Of, again, who needs to be informed?

Of course you have some essential supplies in the house in case of disaster. A few cans of food, some bottles of water. (And yes, I know that the minimalists among my readers are recoiling in horror at this point - sorry.) Does that really include all that you might need for several days? Folks who live in disaster-prone areas may take this for granted, but others may not. Stuff happens.

What do you carry in your car? What if you were suddenly stranded? While I was in the United Kingdom in August two mudslides occurred, almost simultaneously, at either end of a stretch of fairly isolated road in Scotland. A number of cars were cut off and had to await rescue, which was not immediately forthcoming. I don't know what emergency supplies of food, water, and blankets those folks were carrying, but I'd guess that on their next trip many of them will be carrying more. Stuff happens.

Perhaps you will live the rest of your life without a single breach of your accustomed routine. I hope so. But... just in case... what might be wise precautions to take given YOUR circumstances?

And, if that breach happens, will you be able to focus your energy on solving the problem rather than on fretting about what cannot be changed because it has already happened? 'What ifs" serve a purpose before the event. After it, they are just a waste of energy.

I wish you serene preparedness.

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Customer Service - some thoughts for businesses

Above I mentioned that some passengers berated staff who could have had no control over the weather situation. Unfortunately, there are times when this type of behavior IS rewarded with offers of additional help, made by staff members who will do almost anything to get rid of the complaining customer. As I discovered later, in my situation those who raised a major fuss, as opposed to quietly asking how the problem could best be solved (as I did), WERE given information that I did not receive. Nastiness DOES sometimes pay off. Sometimes customer service folks DO help more if they are under attack.

My reaction to this is to point out that this is in the long run counterproductive. Since we know that behavior that is rewarded is likely to continue, and in fact to occur more frequently, do you, as a business person, or your customer service staff, REWARD unpleasantness with extra service? Do the "nice" and uncomplaining customers who are not rewarded see this and then change their behavior to become less nice? As I wrote to the airline upon my return home, "Is that what you want from your customers and for your employees?" Wouldn't it be better to reward those whose behavior is LESS stressful to your staff? It might even cut down on employee turnover AND increase customer satisfaction.

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TELL A FRIEND

I hope that you enjoy Work in Progress, and that it is useful to you. To pass its benefits on to a friend or colleague, please forward this issue, perhaps with the suggestion that they might like to subscribe.

Equally, if you or someone you know might benefit from a free sample coaching call (actually you pay the cost of the phone call but the coaching session is free) then please contact me either by e-mail or through the Guestbook page of my web site at http://ChoiceCoach.com.

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PLEASE! Any re-use of this material should include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2004. For more information visit Diana's web site http://ChoiceCoach.com or contact her at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com."

TO SUBSCRIBE to Work in Progress send a blank e-mail to workinprogress-On@lists.webvalence.com.
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, send a blank e-mail to
workinprogress-Off@lists.webvalence.com
To offer feedback e-mail Diana at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com or visit her
web site at http://ChoiceCoach.com

Copyright 2004 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.
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PLEASE! Any re-use of this material should include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2003. For more information visit Diana's web site www.ChoiceCoach.com or contact her at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com."

TO SUBSCRIBE to Work in Progress send a blank e-mail to workinprogress-On@lists.webvalence.com.
TO UNSUBSCRIBE, send a blank e-mail to workinprogress-Off@lists.webvalence.com
To offer feedback e-mail Diana at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com or visit her web site at www.ChoiceCoach.com

Copyright 2002 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.