WORK IN PROGRESS
THE Personal Effectiveness E-zine
December 2004

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Wandering Thoughts

Sometimes no one topic seems sufficient for Work in Progress, and yet there are many topics floating around, some of which are, I think and hope, worth passing on. So today is a time for a couple of random thoughts.

Finding common ground - a warning
It is a given among those who seek to improve their networking skills that one should seek common ground with others. What do you have in common? Whatever it is, the belief is that this will bond you - and hence make them more likely to remember you favorably, for whatever reason you wish.

Yet sometimes this can backfire. Your intent can be misunderstood. Tread lightly, listen carefully, and always try to figure out what the speaker needs from you at that particular moment.

One thing that can go wrong is that the individual may feel that you are too eager to talk about your own stuff than listen to what he or she has to say. S/he may not care that you went through something similar, s/he may just need to be heard at that moment. True, if it is that important one would hope not to encounter such a situation at a casual networking event. However, it can happen. Alternatively, the same thing may happen in a interaction within a more personal relationship. Speaking of your own stuff at such a time, when the person has an urgent need to be heard, can convey a lack of interest in others.

A second source of disconnect can be that the person may experience what you say as a message that s/he is not special, is not going through anything difficult, but is just like other people. In some situations this is welcome news, but in others it can feel like a put-down. To start to tell someone of some piece of drama in your life that feels to you as though it is rare and devastating, only to be casually told of others who have gone through the same situation may not be what the speaker wanted from your conversation.

Lastly, it may feel as if you are belittling the experience, playing one-up, talking about how your experience is as bad or worse than theirs.

I am a firm believer that it is more important to discover what we have in common with others than to focus on how we are different, even though both aspects are noteworthy. Nonetheless, how we convey the discovery of things in common can work positively or negatively. Tread gently, and focus more on listening than on speaking.

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See below for some special news...

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Focusing on the pain... or not

Not too long ago I slipped on a just-washed floor that lacked a warning sign. I hurt both my ankle and my knee, though neither seriously. For a few days I limped. This put extra stress on various other parts of my body - hips, back, other knee, and so on. Before long I realized that whether I limped or did not limp did not change how much the ankle hurt when I walked. However, it did change how I thought, and how the rest of my body felt. All of the focus, whenever I walked, went to the injury. I did not notice that the rest of my body was working just fine. I did not think about the fact that I still had the ability to move around. My physical focus was on the injury, and as a result everything else was also out of kilter. My back started to bother me. My balance was just slightly off.

Isn't it a bit like that when we focus on hurts or damage that have happened to us in the past? Certainly we need to acknowledge them, not stuff them or pretend that they did not happen. However, it is one thing to expose pain to the light of day so that we may examine it and its effects before moving on. It is quite another to spend the rest of our lives focusing the spotlight on it, shaping our attitudes, our relationships, and our memories around that pain. The first is healthy, the second can cripple us.

When I made a conscious effort not to limp, not to walk as if the injury was an ongoing and constant reminder of a moment of sudden pain, I found that moving around was much less difficult, that my eyes went more easily to the skies instead of to my feet, and as a result life became more enjoyable despite the discomfort in my ankle.

Whether the pain is emotional or physical, unless it is of the all-encompassing type that needs medical or therapeutic attention, try to not let it occupy center stage. You have better things in your life to give that space to.

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Life in Harmony - special news for 2005

Visitors to my web site at http://ChoiceCoach.com may have noticed a longstanding program of mine called Life in Harmony(c) (LIH). LIH is a time-limited program that aims to help you to move your life into harmony with what you really consider important, adding and subtracting according to your own dreams and goals. While all the work involved might not be done in the 6-8 weeks that I allow, I believe that the roadmap can be drawn, and the initial steps taken, in that time, with the aid of a personal coach - actually with the aid of THIS personal coach, since this is my program. To celebrate the beginning of a new year I am offering readers of Work in Progress the opportunity to sign up for LIH at half price. The normal fee for the program, which includes one get-acquainted call and six half hour calls with me, is $300.00. For those who start the program before January 15th 2005 the fee will be $150.00. Contact me now (Diana@ChoiceCoach.com) to arrange for your get-acquainted call so that we can discover whether Life in Harmony may be the right program to get your 2005 off to a dazzling start.

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TELL A FRIEND

I hope that you enjoy Work in Progress, and that it is useful to you. To pass its benefits on to a friend or colleague, please forward this issue, perhaps with the suggestion that they might like to subscribe.

Equally, if you or someone you know might benefit from a free sample coaching call (actually you pay the cost of the phone call but the coaching session is free) then please contact me either by e-mail or through the Guestbook page of my web site at http://ChoiceCoach.com.

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PLEASE! Any re-use of this material should include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2004. For more information visit Diana's web site http://ChoiceCoach.com or contact her at Diana@ChoiceCoach.com."

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Copyright 2004 Diana Robinson, PhD., PCC. Work in
Progress may be reproduced in its entirety only,
including this copyright line. Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

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