WORK IN PROGRESS
THE Personal Effectiveness E-zine July 2008

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Fear of what's new, what we do not know

How often have you considered doing something worthwhile, something important to you, even wanted to do it, but chosen not to because you did not have the basic skills? You may say that you did not choose not to, that you just have not done it yet. Yet, in choosing to not do it yet, you have chosen.

I have seen careers remain blocked because someone feared to learn how to use a computer. I have seen relationships damaged because someone refused to learn to dance, play golf, or learn something else new. I have seen business owners falter because they feared to learn how to use the internet.

Many of us do this. Be it skating, using the internet, baking, or... you name it, every skill requires that one be a beginner before one can become an expert, and being a beginner opens us up to all kinds of vulnerabilities. We may fear the idea of being the "greenhorn," the one who knows nothing, the one who can so easily make a fool of him or herself that others may step in and make us look even more foolish. How often have you not taken the step of gaining those basic skills because, as a raw beginner, you feared looking foolish for your lack of knowledge when you first stepped into the arena?

All these fears seem to flow through the minds of folk who know that something is important to do, and yet will not do it because they do not know how. Perhaps they do not even know how to begin to know how

Always I would ask the same question. Which is really more painful? Is it to risk looking foolish, feeling foolish, just for the short time that it will take you to get past beginner status? Or is it to not do whatever it is that you know that you need to learn, and so stay blocked with no prospect of moving forward - indefinitely?

Some people put aside the fear. They look at the rewards to be gained when they have crossed the "newbie chasm," and they take courage from their vision of what is to be reached when that chasm is crossed. For some others, the fear is too powerful.
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Often the fear of ridicule is strongest in those who grew up in families where mistakes were not easily tolerated, perhaps where they led to humiliation, or where there were older siblings who already seemed to know how to do everything, and who attempted to bolster their own egos by mocking the younger siblings who were struggling to follow in their footsteps.

Those days are gone. Our siblings no longer tower over us. There are few who will mock anyone who has the courage to take on something new. Most of us are awestruck with admiration when we see someone, at whatever age, who determines to fulfill a lifelong dream and take on challenge. So what if it means starting at kindergarten level?

Ogen Nash once wrote "I regret that before people can be reformed they have to be sinners. And that before you have pianists in the family you have to have beginners." *

Unfortunately, the rest of the poem makes it clear that he is being driven crazy by the "little fingers" of children learning to play the piano. However, those first lines make show that he fully understands - one must begin at the beginning, no matter how incompetent our first steps feel.

Aha, that's the word! "Incompetence." A fearful word indeed. Two of our most powerful intrinsic drives are for feelings of competence and mastery and when we decide to take on a new challenge we are facing the fact that as we begin we will feel neither. We will feel incompetent, helpless. Those drives are for learning and growth, but their flip side can hold us back.

The key is to remember that we will feel that way whenever we face that particular arena as a newbie. We can refuse to accept the challenge for today, for tomorrow, but in ten years time, if we approach it again, we will feel the same way - incompetent and helpless. On the other hand, if we step boldly forward today, challenging the morass of newness, the new terms, new actions, all totally unfamiliar, then we can continue through all that and come out on the other side having learned, having become competent, having gained mastery. A beginning is just that. It does not last. The kindergartner becomes the first grader, first grade becomes second grade (or whatever terms your school system uses). We learn and we conquer.

Is something blocking you because you fear to take the first step into an area in which you feel totally incompetent? Can you focus instead on how you will feel when you have gained that competence?

Every year I see before me new students. Many are not "typical" college students, fresh from high school, well-accustomed to reading and writing, to homework and term papers. Many of my students are "returning adults". Many did not finish high school. Many have spent years in the grip of addiction. Some have spent time incarcerated. Many of them feel incompetent as they enter the world of academia. They fear failure. But every day they show up in class. They focus on the far side of the chasm. Many of them end up earning A's. Some of them end up being invited into the Honors program.

I know that, as you read about these students, you want to cheer them on, to encourage them to face their fears and to keep on keeping on until they succeed.

I would ask you to do the same for yourself.

Please... take that step... gain that skill.. and let me know how you fare. Let me know what you learned, and how it benefited you.

You really are worth it!

Wishing you and yours Light, Life, Love and Laughter - and whatever you wish for yourselves,

Diana

* First two lines of "Piano Tuner, Untune me that Tune" by Ogden Nash

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In the past it has been possible to subscribe or unsubscribe, or change your email address, for Work in Progress directly by sending a blank email to addresses that were given at the end of this newsletter. Unfortunately, ongoing problems with viruses and spam have resulted in our automatic acknowledgements being sent to thousands of no longer active email addresses. They then bounce back to my address, where I have to check them and delete them - in the hundreds every day. My website host has therefore deleted this option. Subscribes, unsubscribes, and changes of address will now need to come directly to me at, for the moment, Diana@dianarobinson.com

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Disclaimer -The contents herein are solely the opinions of Work in Progress owner, and should not be considered as a form of therapy nor advice. There is no guarantee of validity or accuracy. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, services of a competent professional should be sought. ><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>>><<>><
PLEASE! Any re-use of this material should include the words "Copyright Diana Robinson 2008. For more information visit Diana's web site http://ChoiceCoach.com or contact her at Diana@DianaRobinson.com."

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Copyright Diana Robinson 2008